well hello there

Wow. Well this is weird. I feel like I've run into an old friend...like we have so much history but it's a bit weird because I have no idea where to start.

So err, hi. 

Here I am, awkwardly blogging again. Can I promise myself to commit to this blog? HA...no. But I feel the need to be around.

Lots has gone on since I last blogged so here is a quick update on us :)

Tony...my adoring husband is busy busy (as always) teaching high school physics and science full time. He loves teaching, specifically physics...it is after all what he loves most after God and his family ;) I joke...(kind of) ...When not being the 'cool new science teacher' he is planning, grading, researching, thinking thinking thinking..and balancing his little family quite beautifully these days. He's got oh so much on his plate, but I can assuredly say that he is blessed and that sharing his passion for math and science is most definitely where God wants Tony to be.

Desmond...my little man. Suddenly my ringlet-haired angel baby boy is like a full on preschooler (minus the going to preschool part, that starts in September) and it breaks my heart yet makes me giddy all at the same time! He says the funniest things and has the wildest imagination...not to mention the wildest little spirit. He is all boy with his bug catching, dirt digging, fire fighting, police patroling, constant climbing, spider obsessed little personality...it is incredibly out of my realm of childhood, mothering and experiences (having grown up with only girl sisters and cousins) but I'm learning to let go and let him be the little person that God has designed him to be! And really, it's quite fun once I get passed the worms and what not. ...Oh, but all that is for another post on another day :) We are so thankful to say that Desmond has not had one seizure since being hospitalized last June. He is still on a small daily dose of seizure medication and his neurologist is nearly positive that his epilepsy is one he will grow out of very soon. That is the best outcome we could have ever prayed for. SO THANKFUL. 

And then there is me...Between coaching and being a mom I've stayed pretty much constantly busy but in only the best ways possible. I just wrapped up a packed cheer season at my alma mater and I absolutely loved my first season coaching here. I could go on and on but truly, I've found my niche and I am so excited for the coming season and every single one there after. Motherhood has been a whirlwind but when is it not? Or maybe I'm the only one flying by the seat of my pants ;) Three years old hasn't been easy, much harder than two some days (cough-most days-cough) ...I fully understand the meaning of 'threenager' and I've found that an earlier bedtime is key when it comes to keeping mine and Tony's sanity :) I'm always learning more about myself and my son as I venture through this whole parenting thing...it's scary, terrifying and the biggest gift of my LIFE! .....and that's why we've decided to have another one. Ya know, a baby. You all know since the only people who read this blog are family and FB friends..but that's right, we are growing another human and it's so awesome. I mean, the first trimester was awesome and miserable..second trimester has been awesome and STARVING-all-the-time. I enjoy pregnancy (so far..knock on wood!) and I am absolutely fascinated with this little person and who he or she is! EEEK!

So that is it. Us in the quickest recap before bed I could come up with. I've got a lot on my heart lately and I find typing it all out therapeutic in a way...it's strictly selfish you see :) I have ideas of blogging about mothering a son, cloth diapering, summer plans, home buying/renting, pregnancy and so on...so run away now  and never turn back before you get too bored! ha. 

Thanks for reading friends. Be posting again soon! 

Question For You.

I'm wondering if anyone out there has reccomendations for good weight loss blogs? Preferbly mom bloggers but it doesnt have to be. I typically have been reading the same blogs since I got pregnant with Des, usually first time moms due around the same time as me..now all those moms are pregnant with their second and I'm just not there right now. It only makes me feel like I should be thinking about a second child and I've got goals to reach before I consider that :) So say somethin if you know of any good blogs for me! I know they are out there, they're just hard to find sometimes.

late night ramblings

I'm unable to sleep so I thought I'd spill my brain here...I may ramble and bore you, just a heads up ;)

Tony and I just watched the Mr. Universe special by Jim Gaffigan tonight and my throat is actually scratched from laughing so hard. I'm not a fan of most stand up comedians...they're either just too dirty or they try to hard. Jim Gaffigan talks about stuff I can relate to...sometimes so much so it's creepy! This whole segment on McDonald's is spot on..he also talked about putting kids to bed (I wish I could find that segment on youtube!)  and I nearly wet my pants. He's obviously a real person and that's what makes it hilarious. You can watch this whole thing on Netflix instant streaming...it's worth the entire hour, take my word for it!

We've got a friend's wedding coming up next month up in Portland. It will be our first night away from Des and I'm so nervous. My parents will do a great job with him but I keep thinking of how empty I will feel driving up there with no Des in the back seat..or going to bed without kissing him goodnight. I wonder if it's too early to do this..but then I wonder if it will be like the teenage years before I don't feel this way when away from our son. So we just gotta do it. It will mean a lot to Tony to go and it would be good for us to have some 'us' time..I'm sure I'm not the only mom who has ever felt like this though..how have you coped with leaving your child for a night? I know, there are worse things ...but I'm a wuss and obviously very attached to this child of mine. Hopefully it will be fine, I am still scared though :/

I counted today and I know 14 people who are pregnant, majority of them are friends and a few acquaintances. Is there something in the water? ;) You all know where I stand at this point with baby #2...I'm enjoying baby #1 too much at the moment. Maybe it's a bit personal but there was a point recently where I thought I could be pregnant because things were off...well it just so happened that I was just really late and for probably the first time in my life I was actually relieved to NOT be pregnant. Not just because our lives are stressful at the time being..with Tony starting the masters program this month and trying to get ourselves established etc etc. but it was mainly because I didn't want another baby right now. I write those words and I'm shocked by them, it's so not me...but this is where I am at in my life and it feels right, it feels liberating. Sometimes I feel like I write posts about this topic because I'm trying to convince myself..but I'm coming to realize I post about it because I love feeling FREE to not be envious, rushed, sad or anxious...or any of those 'not pregnant' feelings women get. I hope anyone who ever reads this blog knows that, as selfish as this sounds, this blog is for me. I don't write here to get followers or make my way to 'the most popular mom blog' list. What I mean is...this is a place for me to sort out my thoughts, get my feelings out in the open, figure stuff out..and it ends up becoming a way of remembering my life. I love that, whether it be the good times or the struggles. So on a topic that is so very dear to my heart...pregnancy, childbearing, babies, family and so on...this is where I am and I so very much so want to remember this. This is different for me and that's important and worth noting. There will be more children, there's no doubt about that. My heart does long to grow my family but I am surprised that I am actually content and happy with not doing so at the moment. So, I am praying we can put it off a year...or two :)

goodnight ♥

child spacing

Ive been praying and reading and thinking a lot lately. Im starting to really feel that I want Desmond and our next baby to be at least 3 years apart. I figure this is something to write about since everyone is blogging about being pregnant...Im going to blog about not being pregnant :) and how much I like it. haha just kidding. Honestly, I loved being pregnant and I know Tony and I are meant to have at least 2 more children together. So I am excited too. But..working the coaching job I have now is hard enough with one child, I cant imagine two children..or three! AH! It's scary just to think about. My hope is that by at least 3 years in between then Des will be out of diapers, more independent but as I type that I think...ehh..maybe 4 years lol. or five..because then Des will be in preschool by that point. The thought of waiting that long before broke my heart...but it doesnt anymore. It's weird. Usually when I watch 'A Baby Story' on TLC I get nostalgic and want another one and blah blah blah..but not lately. Almost every episode I ever see anymore is about a mother having her second or third and it shows the sadness from being separated from their other children and having to give less time to the etc. And the thought of that breaks my heart! I guess Im just not ready to share my 'Desmond time' with another child. Is that selfish? I dont know. But it's definitely where I am. And as Ive said before..I love my job, and I need the time and energy to put everything into that over these next couple years...obviously with God and my family coming first. I write about this often, one because it helps me come to terms with exactly what I am feeling and what I want. And I think it's to encourage other moms who might be in the same boat. The pressure to have more children is insane, but for me..when I really think about what my heart wants..what is smart for our family..what Desmond needs...that's when the real honest answers come out and I need to hold true to those ♥

babies babies everywhere!

When I got pregnant I started following a few other mom bloggers who were also expecting and due around the same time as me. Ive gotten to know a few of them, watch their little ones grow as they watched mine (through the blog world anyways)..and now, as time passes Im finding that Im the only one left, out of my friends in real life with young children (my sons age at least) and of my blog friends who is not now expecting another baby. For a while there I felt pressured (Ive blogged about this before)...like it was a competition or something? Like 'alright, everyone else is having another one, now it's your turn' I dont know..it's dumb, but I think if most moms answered honestly they would agree that they have felt something similar. But through a lot of prayer and long talks with Tony, Ive come to terms with the fact that I dont want another baby right now and I am okay with that. Im content with where we are at. WHAT?! I know..I cant believe I said it. When I hear that friends are pregnant I no longer feel than little pang of 'aw man I wish that was me :( " the main reason is because Im loving my job now that I am running the Crater cheer program. It demands a lot of time and energy and I want to be able to give that. Of course my family, my son..they come first before cheer. I still miss Des like crazy when I have practice, games, tryouts etc and what not but I feel we have really struck a balance between work and being a mom. I dont want to solely be a stay at home mom right now and if I had another baby I might have to do that. That's all I used to want, just stay home with my children which I still want that someday, but I know that is not where I am supposed to be right now. Im excited about this. Im excited to love my job so much and to have time to cherish Desmond without feeling rushed to have another baby. It's totally from God too, I didnt feel this way just a couple months ago but suddenly a weight has been lifted and Im ready to freely put my time and energy into what God has put right in front of me :) It's such a good place to be, for me at least. I really felt led to blog about this these past couple days and it feels good to get it out there, to get this off my chest. I feel empowered by it for some reason. I know a year, or two, three or four down the road we will be so ready ..because believe me, we definitely want more children, just not now. The end :]