It all started the morning of July 22, 2010. We had known that this was the day since a week prior so we were very excited when we woke up. If you've followed my blog you will know that I had found out that a scheduled C section would be best for Desmond's health since I have many risk factors indicating that a vaginal birth would not work but also be very dangerous for both Des and I. So, all that being said- we knew what was coming Thursday but nothing could have ever prepared us for everything we would be feeling that wonderful day.
That morning Tony and I headed to my last prenatal appointment. If at that last exam I was dilated past 2.5 centimeters, Dr. Dan said we would cancel the c section and he would allow me to labor and try for a vaginal birth. So we were pretty sure a c section was going to happen but there was still a chance that it could be canceled and I would be pregnant for Lord knows how much longer. But, low and behold when Dr. Dan checked me- I was not dilated at all, baby was still high in the pelvis. He also could tell that Des was a bit big for his gestation. So the c section was a go. Dr. Dan said if he thought Des was small, say 6 pounds- he maybe would have induced me, yet still there was no guarantee I could even deliver a baby that small. I will admit, I was relieved it was happening. I had accepted and prepared myself for a c section by that point, and even if I had been dilated it still doesnt mean that I could have pushed Desmond out- in fact, we basically are positive now that it would not have been possible- he weighed freaking 9 pounds and he also had the umbilical cord tied around his neck! After his birth and realizing the risk of it all- it really just sealed the deal that a c section was 100% the best way to go. Both Dr. Dan and I felt that way.
Tony and I had to check in for the c section at 10:30 am. We got into the labor room with our bags all packed for the stay and I changed into the hospital gown- that's when it started to feel real. The next two hours until the surgery went by SO fast. My nurse came in and got me ready. As that was happening my family started to show up. By the time 12:30 rolled around I had like 10 people in the room...but honestly, I was so glad to have them. The support of those closest to me really got me through this time, I having some pretty bad anxiety about the surgery- I didnt show it but on the inside I was kind of freaking out! The nurse was unable to get my IV in for a good half hour, she tried three different spots and then called in a phlebotomist to get it a shot. She was able to get it in right away thankfully. It's hard to believe but not being able to get the IV in was honestly the worst part of my entire birth story! And Im not saying that in a way that it was so horrible, basically it trumped everything else- that is how easy and painless it all was! ...anyways, I will go into that more a little later in the post.
I was soon wheeled into the surgical room where I got my spinal done. Tony had to wait outside at this point...it was hard to not have him there to support me but the nurses did a great job- they were super funny and kept my mind off all of it. One of the nurses could tell I was anxious and having a hard time during the spinal- she brought over the tinniest diaper and said ' can you believe that you're baby is going to be wearing this!?" ....I couldnt believe it! Little did I know all the amazing emotions I would be feeling just ten minutes later!
The spinal really wasnt bad, it just stung but it's really nothing to write home about. My body instantly went numb after it was inserted into my back, it was the coolest and weirdest feeling ever. I lied back on the bed while the nurses buzzed around me getting everything ready. My anxiety and fear really started to subside when I realized they had just put the catheter in and I literally had no idea- I felt nothing. Modern medicine is AMAZING! Just seriously a God send! The spinal made me throw up which was so odd- you have no stomach muscles at this point because everything is numb..so the puke just kind of came up very slow...I usually am a violent puker but with this it was just like this weak 'blah' ...it actually made me laugh!
After all the preparation Dr. Dan and Tony came in. Dr. Dan commented on how he loved my family (whom he saw out in the waiting room), he said it reminded him of how heaven is going to be- with all our family eagerly waiting for eachother. I thought that was so neat that he said that- I love that the man delivering my child is so passionate about the Lord, what an inspiration.
Tony was all decked out in his blue scrubs and just totally on top of the world. He sat down next to me and wiped the puke from my face. Seconds later the c section was underway. I could not feel a thing, all I could feel was my body being moved a little bit. The nurse then warned me that any second I would be feeling a lot of pressure on my chest and that that was them pulling out the baby. I was scared for this because I didnt know if the pressure would be painful or not- but it wasnt bad at all...it felt almost as if they were taking the baby out of my chest, it was the weirdest feeling but by no means painful. All of a sudden I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted, I felt empty but not in a bad way..I then heard Dr. Dan said, 'that's a big head!' ( haha!) and then it happened..I heard suction and then the sweetest little squeal, and then a big cry! It was my son! It was Desmond! That moment I was waiting for was so much better than I could ever imagined it to be! Tony and I just started crying and saying "Oh my God" over and over..I was so overwhelmed with utter joy that I almost couldnt get words out. Tony told me he was beautiful... the nurses said he had lots of hair and kept commenting on how adorable he was, one said "Oh Becky! he is so cute!" ...Dr. Dan then held Desmond past the curtain so I could get a quick glimpse of him...Oh how I will never forget that moment! He was screaming and pink and had tons of hair! They then assessed him and cleaned him up over in a corner where I couldnt see for about fifteen minutes. Tony was able to go over..I kept yelling out and asking him questions about Desmond- is he healthy? is he cute? does he have a lot of hair? how is he doing? does he have all ten fingers and toes? how much does he weigh? ...I could hear the emotion in Tony's voice everytime he'd answer, he was so overwhelmingly happy...he then was able to bring Desmond over to me and we could sit together as they finished the c section. That moment where I saw my son and my husband together for the first time- it was a moment that will forever define my life. When I look back on my life in my old age- that will be a memory I will cherish forever. Tony said "He's perfect Beck" with a shaky voice and tears in his eyes. I then felt a huge emotional load lifted- just knowing my son was healthy, no reason to go to the NICU- that was the assurance I was waiting for since I found out I was pregnant back in November. I could then fully be excited, nothing holding me back. Oh my goodness was he perfect or what. Tony and I just sat there watching and studying this baby that we created and saying "I love you" over and over. That was the best moment of my life...
Tony then was able to go back to the labor room while they finished the surgery. I expected to be separated from my husband and newborn for a long time, you always hear those horror stories about women who go and recover by themselves all lonely and drugged up. But that was not how it went for me at all. It probably took another five - seven minutes and then I was wheeled out to Tony and Desmond in the labor room. The time flew by, I was just SO excited at this point. They wheeled me across the waiting room and all my family came up saying how beautiful and perfect Desmond was...he was sucking his thumb literally second after coming out the womb. My sister video taped as everyone saw Des for the first time and it was just so amazing. He was wide eyed, looking around and sucking his thumb the entire time! Everyone was instantly in love with him. I almost couldnt speak back to my family as I went back to the labor room - I was just so full of wonderful emotions, and completely choked up...but they could see how I was feeling. I was all smiles and totally giddy..I did not expect to feel that way right after, I thought for sure I would be drugged and out of it - unable to respond or experience the moment. But that wasnt the case at all...I felt all of it and I was on top of the world.
We all three got back in our room, the nurses kept busy getting me ready for my recovery but I didnt even notice- I was just in aw of my son. My family then left for an hour to give Tony and I some time alone with our baby. We were (and still our) completely captivated by him. He knew our voices...it was amazing. When we spoke he turned and looked for us...this hour together was such a precious moment in our marriage.
From then on a lot happened. Our family and friends cycled through to meet baby Desmond. Everyone fell in love with him that day. For the next few hours I started to feel the effects of the surgery- the pain started but thankfully I was able to get some medication that completely numbed it. Every few hours I got a little more- I was worried about the medication making me sleep and me missing out on that initial time with my new baby so I asked them not to administer any sedatives until I asked. I was ready to ask a few hours after the surgery when I really started to feel it. By this point I felt comfortable and okay with resting and feeling sleepy. Tony bonded with Desmond during this time and they needed it...this was a special time for my husband and son.
The next two nights Tony and I spent in the recovery area of the hospital. Desmond was with us the entire time. We became parents and learned a lot those first couple days. A nurse would come in every couple hours to check on Desmond and I. By the time Saturday rolled around I was ready to go home. Staying in the hospital was actually pretty nice but I wanted to get to our home and get our baby all settled in. We got discharged Saturday afternoon..a pediatrician and an OB came to check Des and I out before we could leave- we were both plenty healthy enough to leave and what a relief it was to hear that. There's nothing better than being told that your baby is healthy!
Tony and I got home about 4pm and the rest is history. Since then we have been loving every second of parenthood. It's hard work (especially when your recovering from surgery) but every bit of it is worth it. I swear we talk about how adorable Des is or how much we love him literally ever five seconds. We just cant believe we made such a precious and healthy baby. There is nothing in life that can make you feel this blessed by God...
I will write a post about our new life and family very soon. It's been an exhausting last few days with all the feeding and diapers but let me assure you- it's totally and completely 100% worth it. Feeling Desmond completely stop crying and relax when he is in my arms just fills me with the best feeling in the world.
So that is my birth story! Let me be honest here- I was completely terrified of the C section...with all the negativity surrounding it and the horror stories you hear it just filled me with bad expectations. I almost expected Des to go to the NICU with complications, I expected that the surgery would be long and scary, I expected breastfeeding to be nearly impossible...but you know what?? I was wrong on ALL accounts! Desmond was (and is) perfectly healthy, the surgery was such a breeze- I mean cake, I was literally laughing and enjoying myself as they cut me open! And breastfeeding has been wonderful! Desmond has been eating every 2-3 hours since the morning after his birth, he latched on great and my milk has already come in. I just want to encourage women to not be terrified of C sections- sure, not everyone has a story like mine. but not everyone has a good vaginal birth story either. Dont go in it expecting the worst, I did and was completely blown away by how much I loved my c section! Yes, believe it or not..I loved it and look forward to doing it again with my next child.
I have so much to tell you all! Desmond is just...wow. SO amazing in every little way. I never knew I could love anyone or anything to this capacity, and it just keeps growing. ..but, that's a blog for another day. It's 5:30 am and about time to feed Desmond again :)
I will blog tons more later!
and PS: thank you thank you THANK YOU- for your prayers through this pregnancy and birth! God was walking with me this entire time- through lack of faith, fear, anxiety and through all the good stuff too. He is faithful, so incredibly faithful.
Jess and Coco
4. I dont just love this on Wednesdays...I love this every second of every day...Nutella. This stuff is actually better for you than peanut butter, yet it tastes like you are eating something very very naughty. I like to put it on graham crackers or apples ...mmm mmm mmm
