The Best of Our Life.

These three videos sum up the best of my life ♥ I worked really hard to bring everything together and convey how special these parts of my life really were and still are to this day. This is not the end..I will have many more videos to come, I plan to do this with all our children and through out the year.. But here is what we have so far :) All three still make me cry and probably always will. If you want to know my heart, my life..everything that matters to me..watch the following...

What I'm Loving Wednesday...

Cute little pregnant Laura over at Between The Lines gave me the idea of doing this today...Thanks Laura :)

1. I was remembering one of my favorite posts today...you must read it, Adriel hits the nail on the head... GO READ! here ----> the mommyhood memos: dear natural birth club

2. In honor of the holiday season I had to post this...I ♥ Jim Gaffigan...

3. I love being a little bit of both. Have you all ever heard the terms 'crunchy' and 'silky'? It's referring to a parenting style...here's what urban dictionary says:

Silky Mama: Modern mother who prefers medicated hospital birth, bottle feeding/part time breastfeeding, disposable diapers, crib sleeping, etc. One who follows the advice of established medical authority

Crunchy Mama: Mother who supports homebirth, breastfeeding, baby wearing, cloth diapering, co-sleeping, gentle discipline, etc. One who questions established medical authority; tends to be vegetarian and/or prepare all-organic foods.

so basically Im an exclusively breastfeeding (yet sometimes pumped bottle feeding), disposable diaper wearing, co-sleeping (but sometimes crib sleeping), pediatrician trusting, baby wearing, meat eating, hospital birthing, pro vaccinating mama! :]

4. I dont just love this on Wednesdays...I love this every second of every day...Nutella. This stuff is actually better for you than peanut butter, yet it tastes like you are eating something very very naughty. I like to put it on graham crackers or apples ...mmm mmm mmm

5. Im lovin that tomorrow is Tony's last day before his Christmas break starts...I know Ive said this like a million times already but seriously...3 WEEKS OFF! It will be like he's just working one full time job instead of two! Yipee :)

6. I looove my baby in sleepers like these, which he has (Im also a sucker for polka dots). Dont get me wrong, he looks freaking adorable in big boy clothes like jeans and overalls but Im such a sucker for anything that makes him look like a cuddly baby doll. If I do dress him in big boy clothes I end up changing him into something comfy as soon as we get home.

7. guess who looked at calendars next to me at Barnes and Nobles today?? Patrick -freaking-Duffy. That's right.. be jealous ;) ...

Here are a few very special photos from Desmond's birth

You can see all the photos from Desmond's birth HERE

Desmond's birth story

It all started the morning of July 22, 2010. We had known that this was the day since a week prior so we were very excited when we woke up. If you've followed my blog you will know that I had found out that a scheduled C section would be best for Desmond's health since I have many risk factors indicating that a vaginal birth would not work but also be very dangerous for both Des and I. So, all that being said- we knew what was coming Thursday but nothing could have ever prepared us for everything we would be feeling that wonderful day.

That morning Tony and I headed to my last prenatal appointment. If at that last exam I was dilated past 2.5 centimeters, Dr. Dan said we would cancel the c section and he would allow me to labor and try for a vaginal birth. So we were pretty sure a c section was going to happen but there was still a chance that it could be canceled and I would be pregnant for Lord knows how much longer. But, low and behold when Dr. Dan checked me- I was not dilated at all, baby was still high in the pelvis. He also could tell that Des was a bit big for his gestation. So the c section was a go. Dr. Dan said if he thought Des was small, say 6 pounds- he maybe would have induced me, yet still there was no guarantee I could even deliver a baby that small. I will admit, I was relieved it was happening. I had accepted and prepared myself for a c section by that point, and even if I had been dilated it still doesnt mean that I could have pushed Desmond out- in fact, we basically are positive now that it would not have been possible- he weighed freaking 9 pounds and he also had the umbilical cord tied around his neck! After his birth and realizing the risk of it all- it really just sealed the deal that a c section was 100% the best way to go. Both Dr. Dan and I felt that way.

Tony and I had to check in for the c section at 10:30 am. We got into the labor room with our bags all packed for the stay and I changed into the hospital gown- that's when it started to feel real. The next two hours until the surgery went by SO fast. My nurse came in and got me ready. As that was happening my family started to show up. By the time 12:30 rolled around I had like 10 people in the room...but honestly, I was so glad to have them. The support of those closest to me really got me through this time, I having some pretty bad anxiety about the surgery- I didnt show it but on the inside I was kind of freaking out! The nurse was unable to get my IV in for a good half hour, she tried three different spots and then called in a phlebotomist to get it a shot. She was able to get it in right away thankfully. It's hard to believe but not being able to get the IV in was honestly the worst part of my entire birth story! And Im not saying that in a way that it was so horrible, basically it trumped everything else- that is how easy and painless it all was! ...anyways, I will go into that more a little later in the post.

I was soon wheeled into the surgical room where I got my spinal done. Tony had to wait outside at this point...it was hard to not have him there to support me but the nurses did a great job- they were super funny and kept my mind off all of it. One of the nurses could tell I was anxious and having a hard time during the spinal- she brought over the tinniest diaper and said ' can you believe that you're baby is going to be wearing this!?" ....I couldnt believe it! Little did I know all the amazing emotions I would be feeling just ten minutes later!

The spinal really wasnt bad, it just stung but it's really nothing to write home about. My body instantly went numb after it was inserted into my back, it was the coolest and weirdest feeling ever. I lied back on the bed while the nurses buzzed around me getting everything ready. My anxiety and fear really started to subside when I realized they had just put the catheter in and I literally had no idea- I felt nothing. Modern medicine is AMAZING! Just seriously a God send! The spinal made me throw up which was so odd- you have no stomach muscles at this point because everything is numb..so the puke just kind of came up very slow...I usually am a violent puker but with this it was just like this weak 'blah' ...it actually made me laugh!

After all the preparation Dr. Dan and Tony came in. Dr. Dan commented on how he loved my family (whom he saw out in the waiting room), he said it reminded him of how heaven is going to be- with all our family eagerly waiting for eachother. I thought that was so neat that he said that- I love that the man delivering my child is so passionate about the Lord, what an inspiration.

Tony was all decked out in his blue scrubs and just totally on top of the world. He sat down next to me and wiped the puke from my face. Seconds later the c section was underway. I could not feel a thing, all I could feel was my body being moved a little bit. The nurse then warned me that any second I would be feeling a lot of pressure on my chest and that that was them pulling out the baby. I was scared for this because I didnt know if the pressure would be painful or not- but it wasnt bad at all...it felt almost as if they were taking the baby out of my chest, it was the weirdest feeling but by no means painful. All of a sudden I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted, I felt empty but not in a bad way..I then heard Dr. Dan said, 'that's a big head!' ( haha!) and then it happened..I heard suction and then the sweetest little squeal, and then a big cry! It was my son! It was Desmond! That moment I was waiting for was so much better than I could ever imagined it to be! Tony and I just started crying and saying "Oh my God" over and over..I was so overwhelmed with utter joy that I almost couldnt get words out. Tony told me he was beautiful... the nurses said he had lots of hair and kept commenting on how adorable he was, one said "Oh Becky! he is so cute!" ...Dr. Dan then held Desmond past the curtain so I could get a quick glimpse of him...Oh how I will never forget that moment! He was screaming and pink and had tons of hair! They then assessed him and cleaned him up over in a corner where I couldnt see for about fifteen minutes. Tony was able to go over..I kept yelling out and asking him questions about Desmond- is he healthy? is he cute? does he have a lot of hair? how is he doing? does he have all ten fingers and toes? how much does he weigh? ...I could hear the emotion in Tony's voice everytime he'd answer, he was so overwhelmingly happy...he then was able to bring Desmond over to me and we could sit together as they finished the c section. That moment where I saw my son and my husband together for the first time- it was a moment that will forever define my life. When I look back on my life in my old age- that will be a memory I will cherish forever. Tony said "He's perfect Beck" with a shaky voice and tears in his eyes. I then felt a huge emotional load lifted- just knowing my son was healthy, no reason to go to the NICU- that was the assurance I was waiting for since I found out I was pregnant back in November. I could then fully be excited, nothing holding me back. Oh my goodness was he perfect or what. Tony and I just sat there watching and studying this baby that we created and saying "I love you" over and over. That was the best moment of my life...

Tony then was able to go back to the labor room while they finished the surgery. I expected to be separated from my husband and newborn for a long time, you always hear those horror stories about women who go and recover by themselves all lonely and drugged up. But that was not how it went for me at all. It probably took another five - seven minutes and then I was wheeled out to Tony and Desmond in the labor room. The time flew by, I was just SO excited at this point. They wheeled me across the waiting room and all my family came up saying how beautiful and perfect Desmond was...he was sucking his thumb literally second after coming out the womb. My sister video taped as everyone saw Des for the first time and it was just so amazing. He was wide eyed, looking around and sucking his thumb the entire time! Everyone was instantly in love with him. I almost couldnt speak back to my family as I went back to the labor room - I was just so full of wonderful emotions, and completely choked up...but they could see how I was feeling. I was all smiles and totally giddy..I did not expect to feel that way right after, I thought for sure I would be drugged and out of it - unable to respond or experience the moment. But that wasnt the case at all...I felt all of it and I was on top of the world.

We all three got back in our room, the nurses kept busy getting me ready for my recovery but I didnt even notice- I was just in aw of my son. My family then left for an hour to give Tony and I some time alone with our baby. We were (and still our) completely captivated by him. He knew our voices...it was amazing. When we spoke he turned and looked for us...this hour together was such a precious moment in our marriage.

From then on a lot happened. Our family and friends cycled through to meet baby Desmond. Everyone fell in love with him that day. For the next few hours I started to feel the effects of the surgery- the pain started but thankfully I was able to get some medication that completely numbed it. Every few hours I got a little more- I was worried about the medication making me sleep and me missing out on that initial time with my new baby so I asked them not to administer any sedatives until I asked. I was ready to ask a few hours after the surgery when I really started to feel it. By this point I felt comfortable and okay with resting and feeling sleepy. Tony bonded with Desmond during this time and they needed it...this was a special time for my husband and son.

{Desmond's birth photos HERE}

The next two nights Tony and I spent in the recovery area of the hospital. Desmond was with us the entire time. We became parents and learned a lot those first couple days. A nurse would come in every couple hours to check on Desmond and I. By the time Saturday rolled around I was ready to go home. Staying in the hospital was actually pretty nice but I wanted to get to our home and get our baby all settled in. We got discharged Saturday afternoon..a pediatrician and an OB came to check Des and I out before we could leave- we were both plenty healthy enough to leave and what a relief it was to hear that. There's nothing better than being told that your baby is healthy!

Tony and I got home about 4pm and the rest is history. Since then we have been loving every second of parenthood. It's hard work (especially when your recovering from surgery) but every bit of it is worth it. I swear we talk about how adorable Des is or how much we love him literally ever five seconds. We just cant believe we made such a precious and healthy baby. There is nothing in life that can make you feel this blessed by God...

I will write a post about our new life and family very soon. It's been an exhausting last few days with all the feeding and diapers but let me assure you- it's totally and completely 100% worth it. Feeling Desmond completely stop crying and relax when he is in my arms just fills me with the best feeling in the world.

So that is my birth story! Let me be honest here- I was completely terrified of the C section...with all the negativity surrounding it and the horror stories you hear it just filled me with bad expectations. I almost expected Des to go to the NICU with complications, I expected that the surgery would be long and scary, I expected breastfeeding to be nearly impossible...but you know what?? I was wrong on ALL accounts! Desmond was (and is) perfectly healthy, the surgery was such a breeze- I mean cake, I was literally laughing and enjoying myself as they cut me open! And breastfeeding has been wonderful! Desmond has been eating every 2-3 hours since the morning after his birth, he latched on great and my milk has already come in. I just want to encourage women to not be terrified of C sections- sure, not everyone has a story like mine. but not everyone has a good vaginal birth story either. Dont go in it expecting the worst, I did and was completely blown away by how much I loved my c section! Yes, believe it or not..I loved it and look forward to doing it again with my next child.

I have so much to tell you all! Desmond is just...wow. SO amazing in every little way. I never knew I could love anyone or anything to this capacity, and it just keeps growing. ..but, that's a blog for another day. It's 5:30 am and about time to feed Desmond again :)

I will blog tons more later!

and PS: thank you thank you THANK YOU- for your prayers through this pregnancy and birth! God was walking with me this entire time- through lack of faith, fear, anxiety and through all the good stuff too. He is faithful, so incredibly faithful.

Since I have made it public that I am having a scheduled c section I have had all kinds of reactions. Some have been completely supportive and positive with the news. But alas there has been some negativity too- and honestly, I expected that...but it has been a bit discouraging, I`ll admit it. Through my pregnancy I have had a lot of people excited for the birth of our son, now Im feeling a bit like since Im having a c section that it doesnt matter anymore...like he's not a real baby or something. It almost seems like people are afraid to congratulate me since it's going to be c section...it's very odd and kind of unnerving to be honest. BUT Im blessed to have a family and a some really amazing friends who are realistic about birth and are actually very excited for the sooner than expected arrival of baby Desmond. Im focusing on that and really just soaking up all the love and encouragement from these people. Tony has been my biggest support and gosh am I thankful for it. Last night I cried to him about all of it and he just held me and prayed me through it, it was exactly what I needed. We read the C section parts of our baby books and talked about all of it for a long time. It was good, we needed it.

So with all that being said, I thought I would share this article that a friend sent me. It's a woman's c section birth story and it has really helped me to look forward to my c section birth...maybe it might change how you look at them too :)

My Totally Amazing C-Section

"I was nearing two weeks overdue when we went for a checkup, hoping the doctor would finally find a softened cervix and some dilatation. Nothing! The baby was where she wanted to be and other than being emotional because it was the Friday before Mother's Day and I had counted on having a reason other than our cats to celebrate, I was feeling great. We put together a plan to meet at the hospital on Monday morning to start the gel for induction and joked about going out on our boat and bouncing the baby out. Later that day, I was finishing lunch and making plans to go shopping when the doctor phoned, stating that she had conferred with others and wanted to know if I wanted to have a baby that night.

How do you answer the question, "Would you like to have a baby tonight?"

We arranged to check in to the hospital at 6:00 p.m. for an 8:00 p.m. c-section. While sitting in the lobby waiting for our room, we were like a couple going off for the weekend, giggling and cuddling while watching waiting room dramas unfold. We listened to conversations about friends screaming their lungs out due to contractions, and the woman whose family who had been there for three days while she was only dilated to 3 centimeters.

When we were called I almost skipped to our room. We met our amazing nursing staff that we would spend the next three days with, reviewed our birthing plan, talked with our doctor, and met the OB who would do the c-section. We joked with the OB that we hoped he had done his workout that day as we were expecting a 9-pounds-plus baby girl. While hooked to the monitor, I wrote in our daughter's journal about what we were doing and watched my husband play with everything in the state-of-the-art room.

While being monitored the nurse came rushing in to see how I was handling the contractions. I had to laugh as I did not feel a thing. The time came to go to the surgery room, so I walked down the hall, met the surgery staff and jumped up on the operating table. They asked what music we would like if the current selection was not okay. Who would have thought?!? The only bad thing was that I felt like we were in an igloo it was so cold in the room.

The worst part of the whole thing was getting the sterilizing wash on my back before the anesthesia as it was so cool. They quickly brought me warm blankets to keep me snug. Keeping true to my entire pregnancy, I threw up the entire time in surgery. Picture my husband at my side in his space suit, holding a sick bag in one hand and a camera in the other. At 9:45 p.m., after lots of tugging her out, my doctor, with tears in her eyes, presented us with Charlotte Grace weighing in at 8 pounds, 3 ounces and 20 inches. All the nurses cheered the moment we all heard her cry and celebrated every moment with us. Upon arriving back to our room and having a bath/massage given to her by her Daddy and the nurse, Charlotte latched on and has continued to breastfeed like a champion. About two hours after getting back to our room we went for a little walk with her wrapped up in her rolling bassinet. We spent the entire night just staring at her. We felt like it was more than we could have ever asked for and not the sterile, unemotional c-section we had envisioned. "

NEXT WEEK!

So Desmond is going to be a July baby after all! Look like a July 22nd baby to be precise!

Here's the story (this is going to be long so just bear with me!)...
If youve been following my blog you will know that I have been having pretty strong contractions and cramps for the past four days. Last night I woke up with pretty intense cramping. I got through about an hour of it and decided to take my blood pressure. It was really high, like in the 160/100 area...not so good. I took it quite a few more times over two hours and it was still that high. I called the on call Dr. and she suggested I get in with Dr. Dan today instead of waiting until Thursday. Dr. Dan fit me in today about 12. Luckily Tony is off today so he was able to be with me through it. I had a normal check up... weight, pee in a cup, blood pressure, check the baby's heartrate...etc. all that checked out great, even my blood pressure was back to normal. Dr. Dan came in and explained the high blood pressure was probably because I wasnt feeling well because of the cramps. I then explained that I had been having cramps and contractions for the last four days. I also explained that I couldnt really time the cramps/contractions because they just seem to go straight through, no break ...just constant pain. He said that for some women, that is how contractions go- and that way is MUCH worse because you dont even get a small break between. With all the contractions Ive been feeling and the heaviness and pressure in my pelvis I was sure that when he did the exam there would be at least a little progression- if not any dilation then for sure the baby had to have moved down more since last week. Everyone has said I even look like I have dropped in the last few days...I mean, everyone! ...So he did the exam and found that I have made not only NO progression as far as dilation and effacement but the baby has actually moved up...his head was once down lower in my pelvis and now he has moved up and is floating at the top (about a station 3) of my pelvis. I was pretty dang discouraged when Dr. Dan told me this...I mean, I have had some intense contractions and for it to have actually made me digress was kind of a big let down. The last few nights have been pretty miserable...I cant imagine doing this every night for another three weeks! Especially if it's not doing anything.

Dr. Dan too seemed a little distraught...he told us to meet him in his office and we would talk about it. I was kind of surprised because I was just expecting him to say to keep waiting it out and we would see where I was next week at my appointment. We came in and I saw he was looking at his calendar on his computer..that's when I kind of had a feeling this would be a very important talk. Basically this is what is going on...

We have scheduled a C section for the end of next week, most likely Thursday if not then Friday. This is why....

first...we kind of saw this coming. In fact Dr. Dan brought this up at my very first appointment back in December of 2009. We have a family history of basically not having child bearing hips...I have a 'small pelvis'. This was a problem with both my sisters and my mom...the baby's just do not come out. Despite what people say...not every woman's body can deliver naturally..even if that is 'what we were made to do'. If we (the women in my family) were pregnant in the pioneer days, both us and the baby's probably would not have made it...pretty or not, that's the reality of it.

Secondly...by this point- after having strong contractions and cramping my body would have either gone into labor or at least dilated/effaced more if it were going to ever do it. Pretty much, if I were normal things would be progressing, but because Im smaller/shorter things are actually digressing...the baby is moving up and not even down. This is a good indication that even if Dr. Dan induced me and got me on pitocin to start strong contractions- that my body simply wouldnt take. This is actually exactly what happened to my sister with my niece Cosette- she labored for hours and hours and nothing progressed resulting in an emergency c section, but she did not have pre labor contractions like I did so they had no way of knowing if her body would react right and deliver vaginally. Given Dr. Dan's knowledge of my family history and his experience as an OB for the last 30 years- he knows that induction/pitocin would be dangerous for me and the baby. A scheduled c section is much more safe than an emergency c section where the baby is very stressed out after all the failed laboring.

So now that you know why that is happening, here is how I feel about it:

Believe it or not, Im actually not disappointed and I do not feel in any way like I have 'failed'. I have known since the beginning that a c section was a pretty big possibility given my family history...so I have gotten used to the idea over the last 9 months. I had hoped that I might be the golden child in the family to deliver vaginally...but I knew that it would probably be unlikely..yet this whole time I have still planned for it that way just because I wasnt going to 'plan' for a c section, Dr. Dan was also hoping for a vaginal birth as well. Through this pregnancy I knew we just had to wait and see. The only part that does bum me out a little bit is that my family wont be able to be in the delivery room with me since only one person can be there during a c section and that will of course be Tony. I did want to give my family that experience of seeing their grandson/nephew be born, that would have been awesome. That is the one part that is kind of a bummer. More than anything, I just want my son to be healthy. And that is all Dr. Dan wants to. Modern medicine is a gift from God and I wish people would realize that more instead of taking it for granted. Im not going to sacrifice the health of my son for a 'birth experience'. It's really never been about that for me and it is especially not now that I know both the possibility of me delivering vaginally and the risk that would be involved for both Desmond and I. Im still kind of processing it all but more than anything...Im actually really excited that I will be HAVING MY BABY NEXT WEEK!!!

So, that's that! Im feeling many things...nervous, excited, scared, overwhelmed but also relieved. If by the grace of God I dilated past 2 & 1/2 centimeters and/or went into labor naturally between now and next Thursday- then WAHOOO! but..Im not holding my breath. And I dont want any one else to either. Ive accepted the c section and I am good with it now...that would be an awesome surprise but as Dr. Dan put it..it would be a miracle, he said "I believe in miracles too so dont get me wrong but this would be one of those things where you would be saying 'Jesus did this for me!"...haha...he actually said that he would be shocked if that happened. So, that being said..it would be great, but Im not gonna count on that one :)

More than anything I just ask that everyone keep all this in their prayers. Pray for God's will to be done, peace for Tony and I and for a healthy baby by the end of next week! The Lord has definitely given me hope and joy about it because more than anything Im excited! There is a light at the end of the tunnel! Desmond's going to be a July baby :) Man that feels good to say!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11