co sleeping...

Tony and 1 month old Desmond taking a nap together [August 2010]

We're not cosleeping anymore but we sure loved it while it worked for us..in fact Tony and I often lay in bed and comment how we wish Desmond was sleeping peacefully there between us like he used to. At this age though, Des needs his space, being in bed with us = play time to him for some reason..he's a crazy child when put in our bed! lol. But I truly think cosleeping is a wonderful thing when it is done safely and Im very glad we had that special experience with Desmond during his little baby stage.. I feel we would have missed out if we hadn't co slept...and man, it sure makes breastfeeding easier! I often got a nap in with Desmond as we would both fall asleep while nursing. That was seriously my favorite part of the day for a long time lol. I look forward to cosleeping with our next baby for sure :)

 I thought I would post this great article for my cosleeping mama-friends out there! And for anyone that wants to explore it more...

"Dr. Bergman defends the practice of co-sleeping after studying the physiological effects of it in 16 infants. He discovered that babies hearts were stressed three times as much when slumbering in a cot as opposed to on the mother's chest. He also found a disruption in the brain's sleep cycles when babies were left to sleep in a cot. He repeats an argument heard from many advocates of co-sleeping: "When babies are smothered and suffer cot deaths, it is not because their mother is present. It is because of other things: toxic fumes, cigarettes, alcohol, big pillows and dangerous toys."

read the rest of the article here...

worth sharing...

-"A 2008 report in The Lancet, the British medical journal, found that a baby that is partially breast-fed is 2.8 times as likely to die as a baby that is exclusively breast-fed for at least five months. A child that is not breast-fed at all is 14.4 times as likely to die." WOW. [The Breastmilk Cure]

-"That artificial nipples confuse babies is a misconception, plain and simple."
[Do Pacifiers Cause Problems With Breastfeeding?]

infant asthma...

soo..
Desmond has his 9 month well baby check up yesterday. Everything checked out good except for his wheezing/junky breathing that he has pretty much had since January. Since this has been going on for so long now, our pediatrician wants to treat it as asthma and we will see if that works...if so, we will know that asthma is what it is. So for now Desmond is on prednizone for the next week, albuterol inhalant up to four times a day (if we feel it is needed...) and Pulmicort inhalant twice a day for the next 6 months! We go back in to see if the medication is helping in little over a week... I didnt go in expecting to be prescribed anything because I guess I have just gotten so used to his breathing and he seems to be used to it too...if he does in fact have asthma, he would definitely be considered a 'happy asthmatic' ...there havent been any asthma attacks or anything like that. Just congestion all. the. time. Dr. Matt also had us do a chest x ray just to rule out pneumonia and other stuff...thankfully it came back clear of pneumonia but consistent with his wheezing...which isnt bad necessarily, it just means that the wheezing is coming from his lungs and not upper airway...so no tracheomalacia or anything like that. The worst part of yesterday was Desmond getting the chest x ray...they put him in this torture device..I swear, Im not even kidding. He was strapped in this plastic tube shaped thing with with arms pinned straight up and his face and head strapped against a board...it was terrible, he was screaming and so scared. I had to hold his arms straight up, the lady then snapped at me and told me they were 'straight' enough...so I had to pull them and I swear it felt like they were going to dislocate. He cried a cry Ive never heard before...it even left bruises on his belly where the contraption pinched him. I know it was just an x ray..and kids go through much worse, but that sucked...he slept a long time after that, it really wore him out.

So I guess we will just see if these medication help over the next week to 6 months...and if they dont then we will go from there and look into other possibilities. But..given the fact that I had asthma as a kid and Desmond's cousin Liam has it pretty bad..I have a feeling that this is what it is.

Everything else check out great though. Desmond is back up to the 75th percentile for his weight and height...he is 21 lbs and 28.7 inches tall! He went through a period there for a while where he wasnt gaining and went all the way down to the 10th percentile...Dr. Matt was really happy with his improvement and I informed him that it seemed to change when I stopped breastfeeding and switched to formula...I kind of just said it and didnt even think about it, I was worried he would quickly correct me and say that breastfeeding couldnt have possibly been the problem..because I know that he is a very supportive of breastfeeding. But, he actually paused for a long time (obviously trying to formulate his words) and said, "ya know, that happens a lot."...you have no idea how good it felt to know that Im not crazy for thinking breastfeeding was obviously not working for us...Desmond was very unhappy and like I said, not gaining weight! Babies are supposed to gain a pound to two pounds a month around 6 months and he gained nothing from 5 to 6 months. So yeah... that was reassuring. I guess it just makes me feel better and less guilty for switching to formula...because I did it for my son's health...and he also refused to breastfeed, so I guess I didnt really have choice anyways!

Des and I have had a busy week so we stayed home today. Weve got dinner in the crockpot and plan to just take it easy this evening. Im really looking forward to the weekend because it is supposed to be great weather, Sunday is Tony's day off and it is going to be in the 70s! I cant wait! Anywho..I'll blog a little later :)

Monday Musings

SPRING MAKES ME WANT DUCKLINGS!!!

Im excited for this week! Im pretty sure I mentioned it at some point but I went from being the JV/assistant coach to head coach at the high school I coach cheerleading at and I am just thrilled about it. It's a lot more responsibility but ya know, I think Im ready for it :) This is my 6th year of coaching cheerleading and 3rd year at this specific high school. And fortunately I have an amazing co coach who is completely on the same page with me on just about everything...we are a lot alike..both Christians, both have baby boys, close in age...it's a great thing and I believe we are going to make an awesome duo :) This week things start rolling for the coming season. We are going to the middle schools in the area to do a little showcase and talk to the in coming freshman about our cheerleading program in hopes that we can have a big turn out at tryouts this year..fortunately we always do, I love coaching at a big high school with a successful cheerleading program! It is definitely exactly where I want to be. Anywho..this week starts my first 'thing' as head coach with going to middle schools and all ...Im a little nervous but mainly just really excited!

Just have to say it..Ive decided that pesto and artichoke hearts are probably my favorite food ever...right next to sweet potato fries.

So Des is officially done nursing. The last time he nursed was a little over a week ago. For the next 6 days he refused everytime I offered..Ill be honest, it kind of broke my heart. I'll miss that little bond we had through nursing, I know we still have a bond...it's just a end to a very important chapter and it's taking some getting used to for me. It's been a few days now that I stopped trying to get him to nurse and Im starting to be less sad about it...sometimes he acts like he wants to nurse so I try but then he once again turns away...I would be so happy if he did but I think I just need to move on...it's not that he is rejecting ME, he is just done with nursing and that is OKAY...I just keep telling myself that and I think maybe Im starting to believe it.

The weather has been SO nice! It's been sunny and blue skies for the past couple days..I just love it. I was thinking today..I think I love Spring and Summer because the wonderful weather reminds me of my childhood...riding bikes, climbing trees, adventures in the back yard...the smell of bbqs going, the hum of lawn mowers and birds chirping...It makes me feel so nostalgic! Im so ready for this present season and the next...We are going to have so many adventures with Desmond..I just cannot wait!

Im almost done with Jane Eyre (Im a terribly slow reader btw!) and holy moly am I in love! Such a good book! The trailer for the new movie of it coming out is what got me in the mood to read it...Im kind of bummed though because I dont think it is coming to theatres in our area...it said it released March 11th and it's yet to come out here :( I may have to wait until it comes out on dvd. BUT the soundtrack is aaahmazing! One of my favorite composers Dario Marianelli did the soundtrack for the movie and it is beautiful! He also composed the soundtrack for both Pride & Prejudice and Atonement- two more of my favorite soundtracks...so yeah, I was pretty excited when I saw he did the music for this movie...Im a total nerd when it comes to that kind of stuff. Fortunately, Tony is too...our ipods our full of movie scores and what not haha :)

That is all for now! Hope you all had a nice relaxing weekend ♥ we sure did!

the end.... for now

Since I have so actively blogged about breastfeeding I felt I should update my blog followers (those who are interested) on how that is going...it's been a long hard road but we did it solely for Desmond's health because we know it is the most healthy choice. So here we are at 8 months and Desmond is pretty much done with nursing, some morning he will randomly nurse but it is rare these day...I have a little bit of a supply left but it isnt much and for once in Desmond's life...I am okay with that. For the first 6 months I fought hard to make breastfeeding work, I stressed out like crazy over it and holy crap were the first two months hard! BUT I would do it all over again because I did it for Des...I think that was my first true test of selflessness...and it was definitely a struggle. There were so many times I so badly wanted to give up. ...It's a lot of work but the pros way out weigh the cons and I will always encourage breastfeeding and I do hope to make it to a year with my next child...I am a little bit sad Des is no longer nursing but Im coming to terms with it and I will admit, formula has made our life so much easier- that is the only 'pro' when it comes to this situation. And for the time being, easier goes a long way.

So that is that, It has been hard to come to terms with because my goal was to make it to a year but Im learning that as a parent you have to figure out what works for you..and this is what is best for both Desmond and I right now...the end :)

formula, breastfeeding, milestones and boys..

so Ive been thinking about it a lot and Ive decided to not try to completely wean Desmond from formula. I would like to get back to 2-3 nursing sessions a day, this is my goal but I dont know if it is realistic. When Des nurses he is not focused at all- but when I give him a bottle he settled right down no matter what he may have been doing. I believe it is a matter of me not having enough of a milk supply but mainly because I dont let down quick enough...Im just not as fast as bottle and I get that. I'll be honest- the more I think about it the more Im realizing that this makes me so upset because I feel like Desmond is pushing ME away...like I am being rejected by my child but really, that's not it at all. I cannot base wanting to breastfeed him off of it being a way for me to feel like my child 'needs' me. So Im not going to stress about it, Im going to continue to pump a few times a day and take my fenugreek in hopes that my supply will keep going up...and I will keep trying to nurse Desmond through out the day but what Im not going to do is freak out about it. He is happy and healthy and heck, we made it to 6 months. I cant let Desmond's desire to breastfeed determine how I feel about our mother-son relationship. That is wrong and I need to nip that in the bud now. So that is where we are with that, I think it is a good place to be for us. And I have to say THANK YOU to all the people who have really encouraged me through this- Jess, Joey, Adriel, Bella and everyone else...it means a lot and I needed to hear what you all wrote to me :]

Last night I was trying to get Desmond to go to sleep in his crib, he was crying and I left the room for a minute to go grab something- I come back in to find him STANDING holding onto the railing! The other day he pulled himself up to his knees in there but I didnt expect standing a few days later! This kid is determined...now all he wants to do is pull himself up to stand. screw crawling! hah..I wouldnt be surprised if he is an early walker..he is a daredevil and completely fearless (or maybe clueless lol) and it is quite scary...but this is where it begins I guess! Soon he will be walking, then running..then jumping off of things. Guess I better get ready. I had a weird realization today- growing up in a family of all girls I never was really one of those moms was excited to have lots of boys. Ive always wanted a boy but definitely more girls than boys...but tonight I was day dreaming about how fun it would be to have another boy- a brother for Desmond. I always imagined that I would really want a girl next and if it was a boy again I might have to get used to the idea before I really got excited over it- but Im not gonna lie, I think the whole 'snips and snails and puppy dogs tails' little boy thing may have a hold on me :) Desmond is such an amazing sweet little boy with such a precious and funny personality- GOD I love him so much. The prospects of another son is just so exciting. What a blessing children are? I know I have said it like a bajillion times before but I freaking LOVE being a mother. Im not perfect at it by any means and it is not easy but it is by far the best job and ultimately the most blessed way to live life ♥

weaning from formula

recap: if you read my last post you will know that Desmond has been on formula (it started with a 4 or 5 nursing sessions and has decreased to about one session a day) for the last month or so. A variety of things brought us to this point...between teething, low milk supply, distractability, illness (both pneumonia and bronchiolitis in the last month) and hitting a milestone we found ourselves at a point where I had to supplement with formula..I had tried to push breastfeeding for about a month despite all these things and in turn he didnt gain hardly any weight in a entire month (keep in mind they should be gaining two pounds a month at this point)...so instead of feeling guilty that I supplemented with formula I am going to remind myself that it is what I had to do for my son's health.

Now that Desmond is pretty much better as far as the ilness goes and the fact that I CAN increase my milk supply- I am going to do everything in my power to try and wean Desmond from formula. It's not going to be easy..it is going to take a lot of perseverance and work for both Des and I but in the end we will either be successful or I will at least know that I tried everything I could...this matters to me.

The following are the things I am going to do to try and wean Desmond from formula...

• for the first few days I will decrease his formula intake by 1 oz. I will monitor his diapers to make sure he is getting enough and that this is safe, if he wants more to eat I will nurse him...if this is successful I will again decrease by 1 oz a few days after, then by 2 oz after that and so on....this handout will help me log our progression each day
• to increase my supply I will pump 8-10 times a day depending on Desmond's nursing sessions...if he begins to nurse a full session I will take away a pumping session.
• I am going to start taking my fenugreek regularly in order to increase my supply
• No more fruit juice- I will just have to find other foods that help with Desmond's constipation...hope he likes pureed prunes!
• Im going to offer breastmilk before formula and solids
• Im going to try to relax when I nurse Desmond, I can tell he senses my stress...if he doesnt take to it everytime I am going to do my best to not let it make me feel like I have failed.

I plan to blog about this as we go along...it's very important to me so why wouldnt I right? If you have any advice on weaning from formula, increasing supply or even helping with a distractable, milestone-hitting, teething baby - then PLEASE share :) Wish us luck!

the angry/sad nursing post

Im very discouraged when it comes to breastfeeding these days. Actually, Ive been discouraged about it for almost 3 months now. We had a great breastfeeding relationship up until Des was about five months old. At the beginning of December Desmond started to pull off and cry everytime he nursed...first I thought it was a nursing strike but it lasted much too long for that, then I thought maybe it was teething (as did my lactation consultant) but it didnt seem to improve with tylenol and teething tablets. This continued until about a month ago- then it morphed into nursing for only a minute or so and then pulling off and rolling over, now he pulls off and rolls into the crawl position to practice crawling... I hate this...Ive tried everything, Ive tried upping my supply with fenugreek (and it works by the way), ive tried nursing in a quiet dark room, Ive tried nursing in different positions, Ive tried skipping his solids...ive tried everything and NOTHING WORKS. Im both angry and sad about it. Ive thought that maybe he is weaning himself but I guess they say that a baby wont wean until after a year old. Because nothing is working and Desmond refuses to nurse he is now on formula :( big big sad face. I know formula isnt bad and some people cant breastfeed and I understand that...but I can. For about a whole month we went through this song and dance of nursing/pulling off and crying or rolling...Desmond gained not even a pound that whole month...he was crabby and unhappy ...the day I started to supplement with formula he was a totally different baby...and he gained 2 pounds last month, exactly what he should be at this age. I am so glad for him that he is happier, but I know that breastfeeding works- I know I dont have to give him formula and as happy as I try to act about my decision- Im truly not...I am so thankful that we made it to the 6 month mark, but Im just not ready to be done breastfeeding. I really wanted to make it to a year. I still attempt to nurse him and he is nursing about once a day now...it's for a very short amount of time..maybe 3-5 minutes...I try more than once, I try often but everytime he refuses it makes me want to cry..Im totally heartbroken over this and I know that sounds stupid but it is honestly how I feel. It would be a dream come true if I could completely wean Desmond from formula, I just dont know if it possible...I actually find myself jealous of people who can breastfeed! ..it is crazy! I just feel like being done with breastfeeding is not us...this is not where we are supposed to be. ugh :(

sorry..I just had to get that off my chest. If you have any suggestions, advice or words of encouragement please feel free to send them my way. I would greatly appreciate it.

EDIT: right after posting this I was able to nurse Des for longer than usual, somewhere between 7 and 10 minutes. He ended up nursing on his tummy which he has never done before- Ive tried this many times but for some reason he finally took to it tonight, Im hoping this is something he will become more comfortable with and want to do more often since every other position isnt working. Im going to start taking my fenugreek more regularly and try to pump more often too. Im the kind of person who HATES to regret...and my fear is that I am going to stress and work so hard and it still wont work, but also my fear is that I will regret not giving it my all...so I might as well try my best to make it work and if Im not successful then at least I will have known I tried. I wrote a post about our goal to completely wean Desmond from formula HERE.

Nothing too thrilling going on here. I will be the happiest person EVER when Desmond is over this crap...we found out today he not only has pneumonia but bronchitis on top of it. I think maybe he is on the mend? I dont want to speak to soon because he did get better for a few days and then got even worse...it's been difficult but I just keep reminding myself it could be worse. I really cant wait to have a healthy happy baby again.. Im starting to really miss those days. On a happy note! I cant wait for some warm weather..not that there is any coming our way..but Im still day dreaming about it. Tony got a nice new fishing pole and tackle box (thanks tax refund!) this weekend..now Im all excited to go fishing! Im already scouting out places to go camping..and were in the process of getting a beach house reserved with the family this Summer...a tradition we started a few years ago. Some of my best memories are during those trips. I cant wait to make new ones with our baby..cant believe Des will be just a couple weeks shy of ONE when we go to the beach house over the 4th of July..that is just craziness! oh and he is thisclose to crawling! Like any second now!

Hi, my name is:
Becky

Never​ in my life have I been:​
to many places..I havent traveled much in my life so far. I cant wait to do some traveling with my family when our kid(s...because ya, there will be more in a couple years) are a little older. I think about that all the time...

High school:​
was probably a pretty good high school experience but ide never want to ever ever ever relive it.

When I'm nervo​us:​
I stare off and look pissed...like at cheerleading competitions my girls (the ones I coach) ask if Im mad lol..Im always like no ?! ...it's just my 'nervous face' I guess. Im working on it....hah

The last song I liste​ned to was:
Waitin for Superman - Iron and Wine

My hair is:
is in a tiny tiny pony tail and looking terrible. Im getting it cut and dyed on Wednesday..I cannot WAIT! I want to do something fun and cute!

When I was 5:
I had a big furry black and white coat that I wore all the time..I thought it was the coolest thing ever. It was actually really ugly...looking back it kind of looked like a pimp coat

Last Chris​tmas:​
was Desmond, Coco and Ireland's (my two nieces) first Christmas. Pretty neat if you ask me

I shoul​d be.​.​.
folding laundry...hell, there is always laundry to fold.

When I look down I see.​.​.
a bag of kettle corn..mmm

The happi​est recen​t event​ was:
tonight it was getting Desmond to sleep very quickly...these are the things you celebrate when you are a parent :)

If I were a chara​cter on '​Frien​ds'​ I'd be:
ugh I hate this question- I dont know..but I know who I would want to be and that would be Chandler..I like to think Im kinda witty and sarcastic like him..

My curre​nt gripe​ is:
breastfeeding SUCKS (hah no pun intended) when the baby is sick and is learning to crawl! Everyday is a struggle..he has to eat so I have been giving him way more formula than I would like. It makes me feel like such a failure..I hate it. I know Im not but that little voice is there in the back of my mind...

I have a hard time under​stand​ing:​
why people like Jersey Shore. Those people are nauseating.

You know I like you when:​
I want to hang out with you. Ha..pretty simple.

If I won an award​,​ the first​ perso​n I would​ tell would​ be:
Tony for sure.

I plan to visit​:​
the Oregon coast in the next month. Im so ready to see,smell and feel that wonderful ocean again.

My middl​e name is..
Grace because I was saved by the grace of God.

In the morni​ng I:
I bring Des to bed with us and we snuggle :)

The anima​ls I would​ like to see flyin​g besid​es birds​ are:
Cats...that would make them even MORE cooler than they already are!
There​'​s this guy I know who:
gets lost in a town he has lived in his entire life but also happens to be that guy who always gets the best grades in all his college level physics classes. That guy is my husband :)

My birth​day is:
August 13th..I will be 23, that will be weird.

life right now.

I love this boy. I swear Desmond gets even more cute every. single. day. He thinks it's funny when I yawn and he is crazy about scooting backwards these days. He is super frustrated with crawling forward...it is all he wants to do. If I lay him down to nurse he will almost instantly roll over and get in the crawl position..and he is boycotting sleeping in the crib these days too...he gets in the crawl position and screams...we had him sleep in his swing while he was sick and now I feel like we are back to square one with sleep training, and the crawl position he gets himself into makes it even more difficult. Also- I had started giving him formula about a month ago, he seemed very unsatisfied and now he is definitely happier..BUT Im not a fan of formula so Im going to make it my goal to get my supply up so I can meet Desmond's needs. I feel like Im having to count ounces with formula and I hate it, I feel like he is eating waay too much..I would much rather be able to just nurse him and not worry about it. Starting at the beginning of December he started to pull off and cry while nursing and I slowly realized that it was my supply that was lacking- I didnt realize this until I started giving him formula and he was obviously getting fed what he needed where he wasnt while just nursing. Im starting fenugreek to increase my supply and Im praying it works! Ive also heard oatmeal works too..so I may start eating that everyday. Anyways..that is what is going on right now, those are our most recent frustrations...I am happy to say that Im off work for a little bit. I love my job coaching cheer but Im glad to have some time to relax before the next season starts. Speaking of the next season...Im going to be stepping up as head coach! It is truly an honor..Im nervous, anxious and super excited about it. I thank God and Joey for this tremendous opportunity.

Yep so that is what is going on right now. I hope everyone had a great weekend. Ours was pretty mellow which was much needed after a busy week for all of us. We definitely slept in today and man did it feel good :) I'll blog more later friends..have a good Monday!

"Imagine that the world had created a new 'dream product' to feed and immunize everyone born on earth. Imagine also that it was available everywhere, required no storage or delivery, and helped mothers plan their families and reduce the risk of cancer. Then imagine that the world refused to use it." ~Dr. Frank Oski

some randomness for your Wednesday...

I had my eye on this nightlight turtle early in my pregnancy...and lucky us, my mother in law got it for Desmond for Christmas! He loooves it..it is seriously his favorite thing ever. It fills the room with the most beautiful stars and little moon...you can set it on blue, green or orange. Tony and I like it just as much as Des does! I highly recommend it to anyone, parent or not :)

back a couple months ago I figured out I had too much 'foremilk' and it was causing gas, a seriously fussy baby and other issues..it's not something you hear about often when it comes to breastfeeding but I really do believe it causes problems for many babies and mom...they just dont realize it. I had to do a lot of research on the internet to even find anything about it...but when I did it fit Desmond's symptoms to a T. I was happy to see an article about it on the "Pregnancy Weekly" blog...read it HERE.

"Boys who were mainly breastfed for at least six months scored 9 per cent higher in mathematics and writing tests, 7 per cent higher in spelling and 6 per cent higher in reading, compared with boys fed with formula milk or breastfed for shorter periods. There were no significant differences in results for girls." ...pretty awesome if you ask me! Read more HERE.

Desmond is definitely teething. UGH. It has begun :( he has been drool-y and chewing on everything for the past month or so but just lately the fussiness has begun. Tonight we literally couldnt get him to stop crying, usually I just comfort nurse him but that isnt working anymore. He pulls off and cries...yet he still wants to nurse..but then he just pulls off all over again. I did a little research and thought it was possibly slow milk flow, reflux, overactive let down, the taste of my milk...I thought of everything but it's none of those things, I tried nursing him sitting up and he still pulled off, that ruled out reflux...he pulls off late in the feeding so that tells me it's not over active let down, nothing in my diet has changed so it cant be how it tastes and he is still getting milk when he cries and pulls off so it isnt that he is not getting anything...I called my lactation consultant and she suggested that it might be caused by teething pain...then looked up the symptoms of teething and one of them is exactly what he is doing..pulling off and crying, but going back to nurse again...I guess they nurse for comfort but sucking actually puts pressure on their gums and makes it worse..that is why he is crying. It makes sense. Tonight I gave him some baby ibuprofen and when I fed him next (about an hour later) he didnt pull off. So Im glad we have figured it out but Im not so keen on giving him ibuprofen everyday...we tried hylands teething tablets and they didnt work, but today was the first time...we will try again tomorrow. Poor guy :( On a happier note...Desmond has slept in his crib through the night (if 5-6 hours counts) a couple times this week! After I nurse him to sleep I usually put him down in his swing to go to bed, but recently when I tried putting him in his crib he actually stayed asleep! He wouldnt before, his eyes would pop open as soon as he hit the mattress...He is sleeping about half in bed with us and half in his crib..which totally works for us. I dont mind having him in bed with us but if he is happy and willing to sleep in his crib then Im all for it. Desmond is doing great with solids too...we have him eating pears and banana puree once or twice a day...he loves food and is a great eater! He opens his mouth really big for each bite ...it's pretty darn cute!

Well that's my boring blog post. A majority of it was about breastfeeding...it's funny how when you breastfeed, it becomes your life. It's an amazing God given thing and Im proud to say weve made it this far! My goal is to make to a year and then we will see...if he is still nursing I wont wean him at that point...but I dont want to go past two years..I just dont see the benefits of it at that point. But that's a blog for another day....I do hope that my followers realize that Im not so shallow that I actually think you are interested in my posts about breastfeeding and co sleeping! I dont write these so people will read them and see how crazy exciting my life is...more than anything this blog is a way for me to journal...I do it mainly so I can look back and remember a particular time in my life. I also do like to write about my experiences as a mother so I can connect with other moms (or moms to be) out there...this stuff really is interesting to us! haha...Thanks for reading it those of you who do! Life as a mom is pretty awesome..Im learning so much everyday and as hard as it can get it is so worth it..I never doubt that. Anywho..I`ll blog more later ♥

What I'm Loving Wednesday...

Cute little pregnant Laura over at Between The Lines gave me the idea of doing this today...Thanks Laura :)

1. I was remembering one of my favorite posts today...you must read it, Adriel hits the nail on the head... GO READ! here ----> the mommyhood memos: dear natural birth club

2. In honor of the holiday season I had to post this...I ♥ Jim Gaffigan...

3. I love being a little bit of both. Have you all ever heard the terms 'crunchy' and 'silky'? It's referring to a parenting style...here's what urban dictionary says:

Silky Mama: Modern mother who prefers medicated hospital birth, bottle feeding/part time breastfeeding, disposable diapers, crib sleeping, etc. One who follows the advice of established medical authority

Crunchy Mama: Mother who supports homebirth, breastfeeding, baby wearing, cloth diapering, co-sleeping, gentle discipline, etc. One who questions established medical authority; tends to be vegetarian and/or prepare all-organic foods.

so basically Im an exclusively breastfeeding (yet sometimes pumped bottle feeding), disposable diaper wearing, co-sleeping (but sometimes crib sleeping), pediatrician trusting, baby wearing, meat eating, hospital birthing, pro vaccinating mama! :]

4. I dont just love this on Wednesdays...I love this every second of every day...Nutella. This stuff is actually better for you than peanut butter, yet it tastes like you are eating something very very naughty. I like to put it on graham crackers or apples ...mmm mmm mmm

5. Im lovin that tomorrow is Tony's last day before his Christmas break starts...I know Ive said this like a million times already but seriously...3 WEEKS OFF! It will be like he's just working one full time job instead of two! Yipee :)

6. I looove my baby in sleepers like these, which he has (Im also a sucker for polka dots). Dont get me wrong, he looks freaking adorable in big boy clothes like jeans and overalls but Im such a sucker for anything that makes him look like a cuddly baby doll. If I do dress him in big boy clothes I end up changing him into something comfy as soon as we get home.

7. guess who looked at calendars next to me at Barnes and Nobles today?? Patrick -freaking-Duffy. That's right.. be jealous ;) ...

just a quick note...

Desmond had his 4 month well baby check up today. He got 3 shots too :( Luckily he only cried a little bit. I always nurse him right after for comfort, it really seems to help. He has seemed okay today..no fever or anything. He is fast asleep now. I just love him. He is so beautiful when he sleeps. But anywho..his weight surprised me! I for sure thought he would be 16 or 17 lbs at the rate he is going but he is only 14 lbs 10 oz! That is the 50th percentile, everyone thinks he is so big but considering his weight he really isnt..I think it's the illusion of those chubby cheeks :) He is now 25.6 inches tall, I think he is going to be a tall boy!.. Everything checked out good, the doctor said he looks great and seems like a very happy and fun baby. He was such a sweetheart smiling at the nurse and cooing at Dr. Matt...He has been so mellow and happy lately, it has been wonderful. He is going to cheer practice with me this week since my mom has a new schedule and cant baby sit him. Hopefully it works out well. Im off to bed, I`ll post more later. Night!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Well our big Thanksgiving celebration was a hit! Lots of family and friends came...we socialized, stuffed ourselves and even danced (I played DJ :) ...it was the best Thanksgiving ever. I loved that I was able to spend the whole day with all of my family and not have to travel from house to house. It was just perfect...for everyone. All the kids were so cute together too...they loved the dancing more than anyone! Here are some pictures from the festivities...

everyone enjoying Thanksgiving dinner

the centerpieces my sister and I made

lots and lots of food!

look at all that pie!

kissin cousins :) one year old Ireland (my niece) gave Desmond a kiss..it was so stinkin cute.

my niece Coco is on the go! She has started walking this week! ..can you get any cuter than this?

After we cleaned up my family and I went back to the house and played a board game called "Would You Rather"...I highly recommend it! It is so fun and it really gets some great discussion going. We stayed up so late playing games and checking out the Black Friday ads that Tony and I decided to just stay the night at my parents...we crashed on the couches and Desmond slept in an extra swing that we have at my parents...this morning my sister and I did some shopping but nothing crazy (none of this 3 am business), we didnt start until 10 am...we actually ended up getting some really good deals though. I scored...I got a Carter's sleeper and outfit, a Oshkosh top and socks for Des, a Barbie for my niece, a toy for my other niece, a long sleeve Gap thermal for Tony, and a crockpot all for about $55! Im pretty darn proud of myself! I am really excited to use the crockpot, Ive never used one before...I just dont cook a lot, or hardly at all but now that Desmond is on more of a schedule and easier to handle Im going to start trying to be a better little housewife ;) hahaha...not really, I dont like that idea of the husband being angry if dinner isnt on the table..luckily I didnt marry a jerk so I dont have to worry about that one! but I did buy a crockpot recipe book tonight so Im going to start trying them out...I will let you all know how they turn out because really, if they turn out good that will be a pretty big accomplishment for me..I may just even brag about it :) If you have any good crockpot recipes feel free to send them my way! Ide love to try them.

Anywho...it's been a great few days... We came home tonight and I cleaned like a mad lady...now the apartment is all straightened up and it feels GREAT! It's such a load off my back. Well, I hope you all have a fun weekend! I`ll post more later :)

P.S. I breastfed in 'public' for the first time today! It's been hard in the past because Desmond is squirmy and needed a lot of head support for that first while and Im just kind of nervous about it, but today I did it without a boppy, in an armless chair, no blanket covering (because it was way hot, but my shirt covered me so you couldnt see anything) in the Macy's bathroom! Tons of woman and kids walked by but I just kept my cool :) It was so nice to not have to rush home to nurse and in result cut our shopping trip short...it definitely made me feel more confident about the whole thing, hopefully I will be able to start breastfeeding when Im out more often, it seriously makes life SO much easier and honestly, it's nothing to be embarrassed about...Im gradually getting over that.

Breastfeeding is a gift that lasts a lifetime

"Mother Rose Nursing Her Baby"
Mary Cassatt

3 month stats & an update

{us picking out pumpkins for Halloween}

Im a happy momma tonight. Desmond has been going to sleep between 12:30 and 1:30 am for the past week and not waking for about 8 hours, sometimes 9. I dont know how this ever happened, it just did and man am I thankful because there was a long time there where he wouldnt sleep until 4 am! Is it wrong that I feel that I deserve this? haha. I mean really...Im like jumping for joy here! I sometimes get the reaction that 12:30 is waay too late to put him to bed, that my goal should be earlier but (and I think Ive mentioned this before) since Tony closes at his work 3 days out of the week I just can fathom him coming home and not being able to spend time with his baby...they both need their time together. Luckily by the time Desmond is in preschool Tony will be out of college and working normal hours but until then, we do what works and this current sleep schedule works fantastic for us. After he wakes up at about 8:30ish I bring him to bed with me and nurse him, he then takes a tour hour nap usually (well, we both do :)...that is probably my favorite part of the day. So anyways, I really like this right now...I hope it lasts! Knowing babies though it could change at anytime so Im not going to get too attached to it :) now the goal is to get him to sleep in his crib and not in a swing all night! haha. Baby steps!

{Des and papa after a long day of school and work}

My recovery is going well. My incisions arent hurting too much anymore which is amazing to me! I have four holes in my belly and I really cant feel them much! It is pretty crazy. My galbladder area does feel tender and swollen though...and I am pretty exhausted...Im assuming it is all part of the recovery. Im no longer on vicodin. I found that it makes me very, VERY anxious...it gives me the weirdest feeling, it made me just feel absolutely claustrophobic and filled me with these weird feelings of dread. I took it all weekend and finally stopped last night...the side effects are lingering just a little bit but they are definitely going away. I will never take that stuff again, I dont like medication that changes me emotionally.

well here we go, here are Desmond's 3 MONTH STATS:

Weight: I actually dont know. Last we checked he was about 13 lbs and that was almost a month ago. And I know he has gained since then...they dont do 3 month check ups at my pediatricians office so we will have to wait for a bit.

Length: same as above. Last time he was almost 24 inches.

Eats: exclusively breastfeeding still. We had him on formula the day of my surgery and a little bit the following day, I wasnt able to pump enough in time because I found out I was having the surgery so late notice. He definitely got a little attached to instant gratification from drinking solely from a bottle...were going through a bit of a 'nursing strike'...he has NEVER refused to nurse before but the first time I nursed him after the surgery he wasnt having it. He would scream and pull away...he sounded like a little pterodactyl! I wasnt letting down quick enough and it made him very angry. He is doing it way less now, he only will do it in the afternoon/evenings if I catch him after he has already started crying because he's hungry..every other feeding goes great. Im confident we will work through this, it's already getting better...and he just loves eating too much to keep protesting! haha. He's like his mom, what can I say ;)

Sleeps: 8-9 hours at night, one two hour nap and possibly a few shorter naps (20 minutes - an hour at most) during the day. Ide be really excited if this sleeping schedule lasted..I know it's not typical so Im trying not to get my hopes up!

Likes: he absolutely lights up when Tony sings to him! It's so sweet! He loves taking naps on Grandma, loves when his cousins talk to him (another time he lights up :) nursing, his swing, he is starting to like having his diaper changed, bath time, watching tv with grandpa, he loves to listen to me talk to other people- I always catch him with the biggest smile when I do, nana and penny (my parents dogs), his sock monkey, music, holding things and putting them in his mouth, being carried so he can look around, his blue blankie, being outside....

Dislikes: waiting for food, patience is most definitely not one of his virtues. Riding in the car...he hates it now. Sleeping in his crib..he will play in there for a bit but then cries after a while. Missing nap time...he becomes a grumpy butt if he doesnt get a nap.

Milestones: tons and tons of smile, holding a toy ring out in front of him and looking at it, bringing stuff to his mouth, lots of talking- coos, oos and aaahs, little 'laughing squeals' here and there... and today he rolled from his back onto his tummy! His little arm was stuck under him but he did it! He was determined :) oh yeah...and he wore jeans for the first time today! haha.

'mommy time'

{papa singing "You Belong to Me" to baby Des}

Im weird. It's 3:50 am and I really should be sleeping, but I dont know....there's just something about having a little time to myself. The house is quiet, Tony and Desmond are fast asleep and I have time to do whatever the heck I want. I do try to sleep but I just lay there thinking about all the things I could be doing. You see, Desmond rarely naps these days, his sleep schedule has been this for the past couple weeks: 'bedtime' starts around 3:30 am (sometimes 5, at the latest 5:30 but never earlier than 3:30) and he generally sleeps until 11:15 and sometimes as late as 12:30. I then nurse him in bed with me. Then it's just nurse/nap/nurse/nap...no particular order just falling asleep and nursing all at once until around 2:30. I would get up and do stuff while he is napping during that time but he wakes right up if I leave his side (he is sleeping in bed with me at this point)...he only really naps well if he falls into it while nursing and is laying next to mum :) which I dont mind, I think it's sweet...sure, inconvenient but who ever said babies were convenient? From there on out he is usually awake for the rest of the day/night until he goes to 'bed' again around 3:30. If he does nap it's usually maybe 20-30 minutes at the most. This has been going on like this for a while now and I have just accepted that this is his sleep pattern right now...Im not going to force him to go to sleep earlier. I have tried putting him to sleep earlier but he just wont do it, he is wide awake until 3:30ish hits. I have nursed him to sleep, created a 'sleepy' environment, rocked him, played soft music and once I even let him cry for ten minutes...I thought well, I will try that method this one time to see if he really will just go to sleep and let me tell you, every minute of that ten minutes was agony for me...it just about tore my heart out. I was going against every instinct of mine as a mother. I wont be doing that again anytime soon... ide like to say that someday I could possibly bear it when he is a little older (say a year old) and can understand things better because I do want him to be able to self sooth and fall asleep well ...maybe I will be tougher than or not so sensitive and emotional...but for now, no more 'crying it out' for a long long time. Anywho...back to my point, since Desmond doesnt really nap or wont nap with out me napping along side him, and it is very hard to do anything when Im nursing ...this time of the morning, when Des is finally asleep, is 'mommy time' :) ...sure, it's probably not the smartest idea but oh well...I like doing mindless things on the internet at all hours of the morning haha. and dont you love how I spend 'mommy time' blogging about my child's sleep patterns??

Desmond is doing wonderful though. His sleep pattern isnt ideal but honestly, that's okay with me. He is breastfeeding like a champ, the comfort nursing is the best idea I have ever had...SO glad I started doing that instead of watching the clock like a freaking hawk! It has made me feel so much closer to Desmond, Im finally meeting his needs and man he cries SO much less, he seems more content and happy and that is a giant blessing to me. He still has tummy issues and reflux so he does cry and you can tell he hurts sometimes but he is immediately comforted when I nurse him...a wave of relief comes over his sweet little face and that just warms my heart like nothing else. Comfort nursing is just so instinctual, I dont know why I ever resisted it.

Desmond is smiling so much these days, big bright eyed squinchy nose smiles! It is the cutest thing EVER! I have tried to get one of those smiles on video many times this week but as soon as I pull out the camera he is completely focused on studying it and not smiling anymore ..haha. He's a little stinker like that. He rolls onto his side now when lying on his back, he kicks his legs really hard until he on his side, it's pretty funny looking...and he is getting really good at tummy time. He is awesome at it when he is in a good mood, but FREAKS out if he is even slightly fussy! so it can be a little tricky finding a good time to practice tummy time. He is now in love with his hands now that he can put them in his mouth...he is constantly sucking on his fists and drooling all over the place of course. I just love him, I say it like a billion times a day...I love kissing his soft chubby cheeks and making him smile. He plays a little game with me where if I dont say anything to him for a few minutes and look away, he will coo loudly at me like he's saying "hey! pay attention to me!" and then he will get the biggest grin! He is THE coolest kid in the world...and Im so over joyed that I get to be his mom :)

well, I should hit the hay, it is 4:15 after all! Goodnight friends, or more like good morning :] I will blog more later.

a few things

Desmond is always so mesmerized by the world around him when we go outside. I cant wait for the days when he is old enough to go on adventures with his papa, oh the fun we will have. Tomorrow is our day off together (now that Tony is working and going to school full time) not sure what we will do but I know sleeping in together will be on the agenda no matter what. Sundays are da bomb. We will get back to church eventually :/ it's hard with breastfeeding and a baby who cries.. a lot. For now sermons on podcast while breastfeeding will have to do. We (my sisters, brother in laws and Tony) saw 'The Social Network' tonight and I loved it. Plan to own it for sure. It's up there in the top five fav movies of this year. You should all see it, especially if you are addicted to facebook like me. hah. Well off to bed...goodnight friends.

The pregnancy

When did you suspect the pregnancy? it was odd. I didnt necessarily think anything until I woke up one morning and immediately felt the need to take a pregnancy test...I sat right up in bed and just knew I needed to...and believe it or not I was pregnant!

When was it confirmed? I took like five or six tests that week after haha. And then they confirmed it with a viability ultrasound on December 9th, we heard and saw his little heart beating....it was no bigger than a grain of rice at that time, and to think Im holding that little person right now..amazing!

What was your first signs? My first pregnancy symptom was morning sickness that started around 7 weeks.

Who was told first? Tony

What was his thoughts? He was definitely in shock, scared and little freaked out at first and then we were still in shock but were super excited haha

What were your thoughts? actually my very first thought, the second after I saw the positive pregnancy test was "dear God what did we do" hahaha...

When did you start to show? about 14 weeks, at least I could notice at that point but I think strangers started to notice around 20 weeks

When was your first prenatal appointment? the monday after Christmas, I was like 9 weeks at that point

When did you find out what the baby was? March 11th!

What did you want him/her to be? I was convinced I was having a girl, part of me really wanted a girl because boys kind of freaked me out..I come from a family of all girls so boys are a bit overwhelming. And girls are what I know. But I was so over joyed when I found out I was having a boy, not an ounce of disappointment. I became so connected with Desmond during my pregnancy, I love having a boy- out of my comfort zone but arent the best things in life like that? :) I love being the mama to a boy and now my future children will be blessed with an older brother.

What was the sex of the baby? boy

Were there any complications? oh boy...well, none that got out of control because I have an awesome OB but had I labored and delivered vaginally there would have been a lot of problems. First Desmond was big (9 lbs at 38 weeks) plus the cord was wrapped around his neck twice and my pelvis was too small for him to fit through...plus my blood pressure was starting to climb a little bit and I have kidney disease- the pregnancy was starting to wear on them so a planned C section was our best option with all those factors. A vaginal birth could have killed us both.

How many ultrasounds did you have? 5! that's not normal, they usually only do one or two but I was a worry wort so I think he did the first two partly to reassure me. And then we had the anatomy ultrasound to find out the sex, a fourth to see if my placenta previa had corrected itself (it did) and one at the end to check fluid levels.

Who was there at the first ultrasound? the big one (where we found out the sex) was my mom, Tony and my mother in law :) loved it. You can see the video from it here

The birth

Were you scared going in? ohhh yeah, I was trying to keep my cool but I was very scared

Where did it all start? it was a scheduled c section, I had the surgery at 12:30 but I checked into the hospital at 10 am

How far along were you? 38 weeks and 4 days, ten days before my due date

Did your water break on it's own? nope, I did have contractions for a couple weeks before that but no progression because the baby couldnt move down

Were you induced? n/a

How many centimeters were you when you arrived at the hospital? the doctor checked me that morning and I wasnt even 1!

How far apart were the contractions? the contractions I did have were 3 min apart but eventually stopped because like I said, the baby wasnt moving down ...moving up instead!

Did you receive any medications? yes, a spinal and antibiotics, and others after the surgery too. The spinal wasnt bad at all...I kind of liked the feeling of my body being totally numb and limp! weird as that sounds!

Did you watch? I couldnt but I wouldnt have anyways, watching yourself being cut open probably isnt a good idea! Tony did though and got an awesome picture of Dr. Dan pulling Desmond out of my belly!

Who was in the room? just the hospital staff and Tony and I.

Who cut the cord? Doctor Dan I think? I dont think it's even an option to have the father cut it during a c section, which was fine because it's a major surgery... I wanted to be sewn back up by that point

Was it like you thought it'd be? no, Ive said this a lot but I was terrified of the c section because of all the negativity surrounding it, but really.. I loved it, I really enjoyed my c section and look forward to my next one. It was cake..I didnt feel a thing and I went in for surgery and had my baby ten minutes later! Modern medicine is one of the biggest blessings we have! I am incredibly thankful for it.

Did you wish things had happened differently? well I wish I could labor naturally but it's just not in the cards for me (or any of the women in my family) so other than that part no...everything went great!

The baby

Name: Desmond Alexandre O'Neil Abbott

Birthdate: July 22, 2010

Gestational age: 38 weeks and 4 days

Length: 20 inches

Weight: 9 lb 1 oz

Hair color: blue

Eye color: brown

Who did the baby favor more look wise? mama :) but definitely papa's ears and body type!

Did the baby need any medical interventions? no, praise the Lord! I prayed every single day during my pregnancy about that and I was so relieved when he was healthy

The baby now

Who does he/she favor look wise more? he still looks a lot like me but there is also a lot that looks like his papa. He also looks like his cousin Liam and sometimes his cousin Ireland.

What is their favorite food? breastmilk only right now. He is going to really like food I think, he already studies me as I eat! He finds it very entertaining haha

What about the least favorite? n/a

Age: 10 weeks

Length: 23 and 3/4 inches

Weight: 12 lbs 13 oz

Favorite toy: Clarence the Crab or his sock monkey

Favorite person: ma and pa of course ;)

nicknames: boo boo bear, booger, bud, buddy, baby, sweetie, lovie, Des, cutie, stinker, chubby legs, milk face..oh the list goes on

Mommy Now

Back to pre-baby weight? Im 17 lbs under my pre baby weight, gotta love that breastfeeding!

Working? coaching part time

Loving the motherhood life? It's what I was meant to do...not saying Im awesome at it because Im definitely learning but it gives me more joy than anything else in this life. I love being a mom!

Daddy now

Working? both work and school.

Loving fatherhood? Tony is the the most amazing dad. He is totally in his element with

Desmond. Becoming parents was most definitely the best decision we made :]