well hello there

Wow. Well this is weird. I feel like I've run into an old friend...like we have so much history but it's a bit weird because I have no idea where to start.

So err, hi. 

Here I am, awkwardly blogging again. Can I promise myself to commit to this blog? HA...no. But I feel the need to be around.

Lots has gone on since I last blogged so here is a quick update on us :)

Tony...my adoring husband is busy busy (as always) teaching high school physics and science full time. He loves teaching, specifically physics...it is after all what he loves most after God and his family ;) I joke...(kind of) ...When not being the 'cool new science teacher' he is planning, grading, researching, thinking thinking thinking..and balancing his little family quite beautifully these days. He's got oh so much on his plate, but I can assuredly say that he is blessed and that sharing his passion for math and science is most definitely where God wants Tony to be.

Desmond...my little man. Suddenly my ringlet-haired angel baby boy is like a full on preschooler (minus the going to preschool part, that starts in September) and it breaks my heart yet makes me giddy all at the same time! He says the funniest things and has the wildest imagination...not to mention the wildest little spirit. He is all boy with his bug catching, dirt digging, fire fighting, police patroling, constant climbing, spider obsessed little personality...it is incredibly out of my realm of childhood, mothering and experiences (having grown up with only girl sisters and cousins) but I'm learning to let go and let him be the little person that God has designed him to be! And really, it's quite fun once I get passed the worms and what not. ...Oh, but all that is for another post on another day :) We are so thankful to say that Desmond has not had one seizure since being hospitalized last June. He is still on a small daily dose of seizure medication and his neurologist is nearly positive that his epilepsy is one he will grow out of very soon. That is the best outcome we could have ever prayed for. SO THANKFUL. 

And then there is me...Between coaching and being a mom I've stayed pretty much constantly busy but in only the best ways possible. I just wrapped up a packed cheer season at my alma mater and I absolutely loved my first season coaching here. I could go on and on but truly, I've found my niche and I am so excited for the coming season and every single one there after. Motherhood has been a whirlwind but when is it not? Or maybe I'm the only one flying by the seat of my pants ;) Three years old hasn't been easy, much harder than two some days (cough-most days-cough) ...I fully understand the meaning of 'threenager' and I've found that an earlier bedtime is key when it comes to keeping mine and Tony's sanity :) I'm always learning more about myself and my son as I venture through this whole parenting thing...it's scary, terrifying and the biggest gift of my LIFE! .....and that's why we've decided to have another one. Ya know, a baby. You all know since the only people who read this blog are family and FB friends..but that's right, we are growing another human and it's so awesome. I mean, the first trimester was awesome and miserable..second trimester has been awesome and STARVING-all-the-time. I enjoy pregnancy (so far..knock on wood!) and I am absolutely fascinated with this little person and who he or she is! EEEK!

So that is it. Us in the quickest recap before bed I could come up with. I've got a lot on my heart lately and I find typing it all out therapeutic in a way...it's strictly selfish you see :) I have ideas of blogging about mothering a son, cloth diapering, summer plans, home buying/renting, pregnancy and so on...so run away now  and never turn back before you get too bored! ha. 

Thanks for reading friends. Be posting again soon! 

An Update

Two weeks ago as of Saturday is when Desmond had the first of seven seizures.

We have been seizure free since June 9th, since the day we started Desmond's anti seizure medication.

We are unsure whether his seizures have stopped because of the meds or if not being sick anymore has taken him out of his 'seizure threshhold'.

I believe it is the latter.

We will continue the medication for a year, if no seizures occur, we can then begin to lower the dose.

At this point he is on about the lowest dose they prescribe.

We will do an MRI in July and see the neurologist in the next couple months.

Normalcy.

This word is something precious to our little family.

That weekend rocked our world.

The few days after were ridden with fear.

My anxiety level was out of this world.

Then I woke up on Thursday, the third day after we returned home from the hospital.

Life felt..normal. Desmond was acting more like himself.

We did our usual thing..coffee, the park..Desmond played like the happy little boy we know for the first time in a while. We hadnt seen that boy in what felt like an eternity.

The normalcy of just being together, being happy...it has been a continual gift since that day.

Tony and I both go through moments..maybe once a day where we are once again gripped by fear.

Thankfully, through prayer and reliance on the Lord we are able to move passed it.

The past few nights I have been having nightmares that Desmond is having long, terrible seizures.

I'm frantic unable to call 911 or get help. I wake up in sheer terror, cold sweat..the whole thing.

I am glad to say that so far this is really the only time I return to that time of terror, it is what I felt in the hospital that entire weekend and the couple days after.

Desmond is doing great...you would never know that he is a diagnosed epileptic.

He doesnt realize at all anything about seizures or remember them.

We've been enjoying our summer. Looking forward to a couple vacations in the next month.

God is good..He is good all the time. Even in the event of seizures and epelipsy.

He has walked with us through this time and continues to do so.

The prayers of this community and our friends and family have covered us so beautifully.

I am so thankful for our faith, for our God....these times remind me of that. 



Father's Day card and surprise donuts for daddy ♥

Desmond's Diagnosis as an Epileptic

Last Saturday my nightmare happened.

Desmond had another seizure. In fact, he had a lot of seizures. I will get to that.

Desmond had a seizure at 18 months when he was sick with a stomach flu. They believed it to be febrile after a CT and an EEG came back perfectly fine.

Flash forward 20 months later and here we are. With a child who suffered 7 grand mal seizures in 15 hours. With a child who is now diagnosed as an epileptic. Life has changed.

Here is the story of the worst weekend of mine and Tony's lives.

I drove home from a cheerleading fundraiser on Saturday afternoon, I called Tony to see how Desmond was doing. He had a stomach bug (like the time at 18 months, in fact, that is the ONLY other time) that had gone through the family, vomiting profusely, fever..it was bad. When I called Tony he was broken up, I could barely hear him but I knew something was wrong. I started to panic. I pulled the car over in the outskirts of Jacksonville..and there it was. My worst nightmare. My son had had another seizure. In fact, he had two seizures by that point. Tony and my dad had taken him to the ER, once again they wrote it off as febrile although he hadn't had a fever since the night before. They sent them home.. they shouldn't have.

I drove home, faster than I should have..crying, sobbing, cursing, screaming..frantic. Sick..so sick. I ran into Desmond's room to find him in a deep sleep in his bed. He soon awoke. He was acting off, it freaked us out. He couldn't walk well and was not all there mentally. We offered him a popsicle to see if he would perk up..when he went to grab it he missed, he could not grasp either. He wanted me to hold him. As I sat on the couch I felt him suddenly feel different, he slumped a little and his body felt almost, as best I can describe it - like it was in another state. I knew what was happening and told Tony to come take him. As terrible as a mother as it makes me feel I will be honest, I couldnt handle holding him or seeing him during that seizure...Tony becomes very calm and collected and takes charge of the situation and I am so thankful for that. I frantically called the on-call nurse, there was nothing we could do. She was absolutely no help.

Soon Desmond was having another seizure. We jumped in the car and took him to the ER for the second time that day. We spent at least an hour in the ER and about 30 minutes in he had his 5th grand mal seizure that day. 7 nurses and a doctor ran in to take care of him. I stood outside the room begging God. In fact, I pleaded with God the entire weekend. I still am. The seizure eventually ended. They tested his blood and did a CT scan, all came back normal. We were admitted to the pediatric unit a couple hours after arriving to the ER. They put him on ativan which knocked him out for a good few hours. Around 11 we needed to change his IV location because it was falling out. This is where it got horrible, the worst by far. We swaddled Desmond so he wouldnt fight us while the nurse put the IV in. This took 4 tries..20 minutes of crying and screaming 4 seperate times over a 3 hour period. Tony, a male nurse and I all held Desmond down while the night nurse tried to get the IV in his vein. He has lots of bruises to prove it. In the midst of this whole ordeal they tried to get him to rest and relax in hopes of getting the IV in a little easier, they gave him benadryll which only made him more alert..the opposite affect of what we needed.

As we tried to get him back to sleep, I noticed him making a strange look...a 6th seizure, grand mal like the rest. This time I watched. I can assure you that seeing your child in this kind of state is truly one of the worst things in the world for a parent. The seizure knocked him out...the final try on the IV did cause him to fight. Thankfully she got it in. I cried. As he lay on the table I noticed him making once again an unnatural face. I said "He's going to have another seizure"..the nurse responded with "no honey, we've got him so full of drugs.."..and nope, he was having yet another grand mal. This one his oxygen went down, an alarm was ringing and I had to leave the room. I stood in the quiet hallway of the pediatric unit crying in a corner begging God. When I returned he was through the seizure, only about a minute this time.

That was the last seizure Desmond has had. 2 am on Sunday morning. Following that they gave him an anti seizure med that they warned us would make him confused and irritable. He woke maybe 3 am? unable to sleep, angry that he was stuck in the corner of a bed and not allowed to get out. All tied up to an IV, wires everywhere.. He was not allowed to eat or drink..he hadnt eaten for almost 3 days because of the stomach flu and this was the first time he was hungry..starving. He could barely speak, he was falling all over the place. Clearly in pain. This 10 hours was the hardest of our marriage, of our lives, of Desmond's life...We were beyond exhausted. We both cried, sobbed..begged God to save us from this. They finally allowed him to eat of which he could not bring anything to his mouth. The meds and/or the many seizures left him acting mentally disabled. This was so scary to Tony and I. We did not know if he would ever act the same as the Desmond we've always known. Pair this with extreme exhaustion..it was a dark place.

By mid day Desmond was fighting sleep and had never needed it more in his life. This is when the diarrhea of the stomach bug started. It was non stop and they were short staffed - not really helping us much at this point. Soon after they started a new medication to stop the seizures since the first seemed to cause terrible side effects. He fell asleep at 3 in the afternoon for the first time since 24 hours before.

That evening he was doing better. Talking a little bit more normal. He was still not himself but somewhat better. We had to do a sleep deprived EEG the following day which meant we would have to keep him up all night so he would sleep during the EEG test. We wanted to give him some rest before we had to wake up at 2 am but because of the diarhea he could not fall asleep. We used probably 20+ diapers in an hour. Imagine your worst stomach flu, this was it. His poor bum was raw. It was horrific to say the least. He latched his arms around me crying that he wanted to go home, I cried the same cry with him. I hit my wall, called my mom begging for an idea of what to do. The nurse saw my desperation. God arrived in this moment. When I came back he was starting to settle into bed. We gave him some tylenol and he drifted off to sleep at 12 am. I layed next to him and Tony slept on the other bed in the room. The nurse said she would put off our wake up time until 4 am instead of 2..she knew we needed the sleep. We slept like rocks. The best sleep I've ever had.

4 AM - the beginning of the long road to the EEG

We woke up with a little energy and Desmond was acting somewhat better. The next 7 hours were all about keeping Desmond occupied until his EEG. He so badly wanted to sleep more. We would have to do about five minute intervals of keeping his busy (that's as long as he lasted before he lost interest)...we played with toys belonging to the pediatric unit, ate snacks, read books, watched Wheels on the Bus on youtube, went for a walk in the stroller around the halls of the ped unit, fed the fish outside, sang songs..repeat, repeat, repeat. In the midst of this we had to go for an MRI. He moved too much and we later learned it didnt turn out..we will have to do one in the next couple weeks under anesthesia. Finally 10:45 came. He sat on Tony's lap as the EEG nurse put his little cap on his head, hooked him up..he feel asleep instantly.

keeping Des busy. His coordination was improving by this point.

trying to keep Desmond awake..took a walk to feed the fish

during the EEG

The EEG was over in 40 minutes. At this point they had moved us to a bigger room. The following 5 hours felt really good. Desmond slept so peacefully, I cleaned up our room, took a shower..ate lunch..my mom came to visit. It felt better, a million miles from the night before. When he awoke they removed his IV (YAAAAAY!), he could finally move freely again. A dream come true for a very busy toddler. He still had trouble walked right but we could now actually practice. Our pediatrician came and told us he would let us leave the hospital. He explained that there is no use in making us stay just to find out the result of the tests. I did ask, "are we calling this epilepsy?" and Dr. Matt's response was "yes"...We packed up and left, happier to leave that place more than anything in the world.

That was Monday. It's Thursday now. The last few days have been the following: Keppra (his anti seizure medicine) twice a day. The side effects cause him to have what seem to me as sensory issues, he is louder, harder, more intense..angry. He even admits that he is mad and wants to hit others. We've read that these side effects should only last the first few weeks until the body adjusts. He goes from sweet and cuddly to raging and screaming. Some days are better than others so far. No seizures though and for that we are so incredibly thankful. We had a follow up appointment yesterday, Desmond's EEG came back normal! He is also walking, talking and acting back to normal - there is a period of time after seizures that the brain goes into recovery mode. It's as if the brain goes through an electrical storm and then needs to reboot. Just one seizure can cause this..so 7 seizures in 15 hours does a number on the brain. My sister who is a physical therapist explained that they do therapy with seizure patients to work through that period of time, they call it 'postictical state'. Desmond's seems to be over.He is running, jumping and doing all the same things as before. We are SOO  happy about that.

We will see doctor Matt in a month, the MRI will be in July and we see the neurologist in 3 months. We now PRAY for NO more seizures. We make sure we are diligent about giving Desmond his medicine. If he goes a year with no seizures we can begin lowering his dose, eventually he can go off if none happen..

 I do believe that there is a correlation between Desmond having a stomach bug, violent puking, unable to keep anything down right before having seizures both at 18 months and now.He went 20 months with NO seizures, no stomach bugs...the doctors believe he is epileptic and he very well may be but if he is, our hope is that his 'seizure threshold' is only met when extremely sick. And now that he is on seizure meds, hopefully we will never have to see another seizure in our lifetime.

Many kids grow out of seizure disorders, some have a couple seizures, never know why they happened and never see them again..many people lives with them and have wonderful normal lives.What is to come for Desmond is unknown. But what we DO know is that our GOD is in CONTROL. That our heavenly Father will be there with us, standing by our side through this struggle we never dreamed we would have to face. There is NO other way, no other way other than clinging to our Mighty Savior ♥

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9 

A Christmas Miracle

December 22nd could definitely go down as the best day of 2011.

Yesterday we found out that Desmond's EEG results came back completely normal! Thank you to all the folks who offered their prayers. It appears Desmond's seizure back in November was most likely febrile, and an isolated event. Our beautiful son is doing great, normal and completely happy. Lately he has been communicating and talking a ton! He also loves to be silly and dance :) He is the biggest joy in our life.

The biggest relief was my mom. Her doctor called last night and informed her that the mass on her kidney that they biopsied this week is in fact BENIGN! The doctors are all shocked, they were 80% sure it was cancer, but it's not...It is a miracle! We were all preparing ourselves for cancer, a cloud of gloom was over our house and family...we were just taking it one day at a time. But last night everything changed...a cloud has been lifted, JOY is filling our home. My mom keeps saying "Give all the glory to God!!" :) It's pretty amazing that my mom and Desmond were both in the ER within 24 hours of eachother on November 27th/28th and both received their positive news on the same day! They arent even concerned about the mass, she was going to most likely have her entire kidney removed and go on dialysis with in the next 3 weeks if it was cancer, that is what they were preparing for. But now the doctor said he isnt concerned and that he will see her in 6 months about the mass! This means dialysis isn't as imminent as we thought which is such a blessing! It's all just unreal, and in the best way possible. God truly is the Great Physician.

This wonderful news, both for Desmond and my mom is the absolute best Christmas gift our family could receive. It is truly a Christmas miracle and a testament to the power of prayer ♥

 Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He made the storm be still, and the waves of the sea were hushed. Then they were glad that the waters were quiet, and he brought them to their desired haven. Psalm 107:28-30

post EEG

prepping for the EEG.

asleep with daddy during the test

well, we survived through the dreaded EEG. Keeping Desmond up all night wasnt too bad. We watched Funniest Home Videos, ate ice cream and colored in Desmond's new coloring book...it was a stocking stuffer but we opened it early to make last night a little more fun...he was SO excited to have his very own crayons and coloring book! He wasnt really hard to keep awake, we just had to keep him entertained or else he would just whine and have a meltdown.. To pass the time (and because we were starving..) we went out to breakfast at a diner at 6:30 am. Desmond somewhat tolerated it ...but by the end of breakfast he had hit a wall. He cried for almost an hour a half straight after that... It was this high pitch whine cry that was absolutely nerve wracking. Poor guy was soooo tired, I so badly wanted to let him sleep. Tony and I were pretty much angry exhausted zombies all morning...not angry at Desmond, just grouchy from the lack of sleep. It took them about 20 minutes to prep Desmond and get him all hooked up for the EEG. They put this cap on his head and used this metal rod and gel to scratch his head in order to get the best reading...they say it doesnt hurt but he bled in two spots...Im pretty sure that would hurt! We had to hold his arms down so he wouldnt pull the cap off while we tried to force him to sleep... After about ten minutes of fighting it he finally let the exhaustion take over and he fell alseep. Thankfully he only had to sleep for 30 minutes...they told me 120 minutes when they confirmed my appointment...so that was a huge relief. Tony also fell asleep with Desmond, I chatted with the tech who was overseeing Desmond's EEG. We were SO FLIPPING happy when it was all over. We went home and Desmond instantly fell alseep in his crib...we all ended up taking a much needed nap. Desmond went to bed surprising well tonight even though his sleep schedule was so off today. He took a nap at 4:30pm and I swore he would be up until 1 but thankfully he went down easily at ten. Tony and I are just so relieved to be done with that test....we were really dreading it and parts of the whole experience were harder than we thought they would be. We should hear from our pediatrician with in the next week to ten days, he will pass the information along to us from the neurologist. We are praying that the tests come out completely normal and that we never, ever have to do this again! I have a root canal tomorrow but after that I can relax and not stress about anymore appointments, at least for the time being. My mom also has her biopsy tomorrow, her blood pressure was too high when they tried to do it last week, they were worried she would hemmorhage...with the help of the right medication it is down now so they will do the procedure tomorrow. Say a prayer for her if you would! Im trusting that the doctors were right when they said it's either benign or only stage one cancer. Praying for benign but at the very worst praying it is something that can easily be treated and not cause any problems after the kidney removal and dialysis. So much to process...but God is in control, even if we are all feeling out of control with all the stress and fear lately. Thank you for your prayers friends! They mean the world to us, truly. I will post more soon. Night :)

EEG

Tonight is the dreaded night. Tomorrow is Desmond's EEG so we have to wake him at 2am and keep him up until his appointment at 8am. Then when we get there he has to sleep for two hours with the electrodes on his head. Im not so nervous about keeping him awake, Tony will be helping me..weve got lots of tv we can watch and Im sipping on a large Pepsi...that should keep me up for the most part. And Desmond will have a hay day getting to wake up in the middle of the night and NOT have to go back to bed! Im mostly worried about him falling asleep for the EEG. He does not typically sleep well when out of his element...he really only falls asleep in his crib or in the car. So we will see...Im just looking forward to having it OVER with! And we are of course praying everything comes back normal. Im doing my best to push the memories of his seizure out my head...I cant think about it too much or I start to feel really anxious and upset. I honestly admire parents who see their children go through worse and manage to stay strong and survive through it. These people are my heroes, my mom and dad both definitely are part of that group. They have been through more than two people should ever have to with their own children...I pray that healthy grandchildren is their gift for surviving through so much as parents.

On a happier note..Christmas is upon us and it is truly wonderful. I love this time year. We went and saw a live Nativity tonight put on by a few local churches. It was wonderful, a well timed reminder about what really matters and why we celebrate Christmas at all. Later this week Im going to a Christmas Tea with my sisters and then the next day we are baking Christmas cookies together. Should be a lovely time! Here's a picture of all the cousins at the Nativity :)

Im pretty sure my niece (on the far left) was either doing some kind of rave dance or pretending to be a gangster...or maybe her glove was just falling off ;) haha. Love these kids, and Im so happy that they have eachother. Im a blessed mama and auntie!

I will post in regards to how the EEG went soon. Wish us luck and say a little prayer that everything comes back normal. Thanks friend ♥

life.

All things work together for the good of those that love the Lord and are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

This verse could be the motto for this last month. Things keep happening, they are hard situations..the kind of things in life that keep you up all night worrying, the kind that leave you in tears..tears of fear, tears of frustration, tears of discouragement, tears of anxiety, tears of sadness...yet in the midst of it all God's promises still ring true.

 If you dont know already, my mom was put in the hospital recently..she originally went in because she was vomiting almost non stop which they ended up attributing her symptoms to kidney failure. While she was in they did a CT scan of her abdomen and found a cyst on her kidney. The doctors are almost positive it is cancer. I cant believe I am typing those words. Yet.. in the midst of all this there is a positive...although my mom most likely does have cancer, thankfully because she had that ct scan and found it so early they believe it to only be a stage one...meaning this was caught at the best time possible. If my mom hadnt been admitted to the hospital for her stomach symptoms she probably wouldnt have had a CT scan of her abdomen for years...and by that point the cancer would have most definitely spread. She had a CT scan last Spring and the cyst was not there, so it is fairly new..but it does show how fast it can grow in such a short time... They will need to remove her kidney and she will be put on dialysis at that point. It's all overwhelming and scary...yet we are almost breathing a sigh of relief because we are all just really thankful this cyst was found early enough...

 Please be praying for my mom, pray that this whole process goes as smooth as possible. And please pray that God continues to give her peace and comfort during this time.

On another note (which doesnt even come close to comparing with seriousness of my mom's health).. Ive been forced to make some decisions with the team I coach. Weve decided to not compete this year and just cheer sideline at games. This changes thing for me dramatically. Im really disappointed because I love love love competition, Ive either been competing or coaching at the State Cheerleading Championships over these last six years and it's definitely going to be a change to just coach sideline. Our main reason for making this decision was just a lack of commitment...eligibility was also a factor too. So just like so many things lately, although this was a really hard realization for me, in the end it's going to be a better fit this year for the team and for my situation right now. My situation wasnt a deciding factor but now coming out on the other side I do see that God is using this to give me more time in other areas of my life. I love this team so much, even though we wont have the experience of competition this season..I really do think we are going to have an awesome time and make some very memorable memories over these next few months.

Along with all that..weve known for a while now that Tony will be losing his job come the beginning of January. He has been working as a gas attendant going on 8 years now, this job has gotten us through a lot while he is in college. They work with his school schedule and he is even able to sometimes do homework during the down times. We have insurance through this job as well... Albertson's is selling all their gas stations to a private company in just a couple weeks. Thankfully he was called and asked to interview for this new company coming in...I have no reason to think he will for sure get a job with them, but I also have no reason to think that he wont! I just have this peace about it...and Im usually the one freaking out and stressing out over everything...I feel that God has given me peace over it...maybe it's just to get us through this time or maybe it's because God has something better for Tony. I feel it's the latter but either way, Im doing my best to praise God in the middle of all this despite the uncertainty of our future..

Desmond has thankfully not seizured or had any other weird symptoms..we are praying it stays this way. He has his EEG on the 19th..hopefully it will show that things are normal..our pediatrician really feels it was only febrile but we are doing the tests just to be safe.

So yes, that is life right now. Seems like a lot of negative stuff but honestly, God is in control. He is bigger than all of this. I love my Savior and all I can think of doing right now is resting in His love and comfort.

I will post more later. Hope everyone is enjoying their Christmas season! ♥

A Thanksgiving Kiss

just when I thought I was the most in love and protective mother in the universe..my son suddenly has a seizure. This whole thing has rocked our world. Thinking about it makes me cry..that whole day was a nightmare. Im constantly resisting the memories of that horrible day...Im constantly trying to not live in fear that another seizure could strike at any moment. Im hugging my son a little tighter these days...I cant stop loving on him, kissing him, telling him how much I love him. I dont know that I will forget that day, hopefully it will become a distant memory for us..I hope to never revisit any of it. All I know is that I love this child with every single fiber of my being, I love him so much it hurts.. and Ive never understood that expression until now...

one of our hardest days yet...

What a day.

Worst feeling ever...waking up to the words "Desmond's having a seizure".

I feel the need to write about this simply because it's therapeutic for me, so here it goes...

If you saw my post from yesterday- Desmond was sick all day with (what we think) was a stomach bug..vomiting and diarrhea, no fever or anything. Last night he seemed a little better, actually playing and stuff. He was drinking lots of pedialyte so he wasnt dehydrated. This morning is when the seizure happened. I woke up in a panic as my dad and Tony rushed out the door to take Desmond to the ER. I followed in my car. At that point Desmond was seizuring, I only got a glimpse of him in Tony's arms but that image will haunt me forever..seeing your child in such a state is terrifying. Tony was so brave to be holding him during all this... the seizure lasted about 2-3 minutes. He was really out of it after that for a while, he seemed confused and really tired. First thing they did was take his temperature...he didnt have a fever which is a relief but also not at the same time. You can have seizures from a high fever and usually if that's the case they just send you home..but since he had no fever they had to rule out a few things before we could go, the main included megingitus and a brain tumor..that's when the doctor warned us that today was going to be a long hard day for us. Next they did a urine bag on him to catch his pee for a urinalysis and then they did two draws to test his blood. That part was so hard, a nurse and I had to hold him down while they took blood..and it took a while too because the nurse apparently forgot to do the second vile so after she was done she had to try in the other arm which didnt take right away. He cried for a good hour and a half after we were admitted...one because he was so scared to even be there and two because of everything they were doing. He was very upset after the blood draw and kept trying to go to the door to get out. After a while they needed to do a spinal tap to check for meningitis. The doctor recommended Tony and I leave during that part. We stood out in the hallway but you could hear him screaming for the good ten minutes while they were doing the spinal tap. That's when I lost it...I went outside where the ambulances drop off and pleaded with God through my tears. Those few minutes felt like a lifetime. Soon enough my mom and Tony waved me in and thankfully the worst of it was over. No more pricks, just waiting to hear the results. At that point Desmond could have a bottle since we knew we didnt have to sedate him for the spinal tap. Grandpa brought his favorite toys and some books along with the pedialyte and he wasnt pretty happy from then on. He ended up falling asleep and taking a nap for an hour..we were so relieved he was able to rest.. A little while later the doctor and a pediatrician recommended we do a CT scan to rule out anything else. We talked to the doctor a lot about the risks from a CT and we decided it would be better to rule out a tumor, water on the brain etc. rather than take the risk of having one and not knowing. We learned that the scan ups a person's chance of brain cancer by 1. percentage of the 0.1 likely hood we already have of getting brain cancer. So it's really hardly anything and obviously a risk we were willing to take. We wheeled him in for the CT scan, he was pretty freaked out and cried quite a bit but thankfully it was over quick. We headed back to the room and waited for the results. At this point he was in a great mood...Grandma fed him some jello and he was happy and as normal as ever. The doctor came in and was just elated to see Desmond is good spirits, he even got him to smile- and strangers (especially the guy who gave him a spinal tap!) are rarely able to do that. The doctor said everything came back perfect- the blood work, the spinal tap, the urinalysis and the CT Scan! This was the best news in the world to us...no cancer, no meningitis and no brain tumor! PRAISE GOD! God heard my prayers!

The doctor said he usually doesnt allow first time seizure patients to go home, they usually are admitted for one night because once you have a seizure your chance of having another is 50%..but because the results were good and Desmond was in such a good mood and seemed to be doing so well- the doctor decided we could go home. We had been there for 6 hours.

Now we are just being very cautious. We see Desmond pediatrician tomorrow and will need to follow up with a nurologist at some point. We do not know why Desmond had this seizure but like the doctor explained to us, we often times do not ever know why. Many people will just have one (or two) seizures in their life and be fine, with no explanation- we are praying that Desmond is in that category. We are SO relieved that no tumors, meningitis or major diseases were shown through his tests today. We will be watching carefully and we have a bag ready so we are prepared to head back to the hospital if another seizure occurs.

Please pray along with our family and friends that Desmond never experiences a seizure again. And also please praise God that He answered our prayers that our son doesnt have a major illness that caused this seizure this morning. He heard my cry and Im SO thankful that HE had mercy our son. I couldnt have gotten through this day without my belief in God, I would have been so lost and afraid...I was afraid, but Im so blessed that I had my Faith in God to cling to. And Im also thankful that I had and have the support of so many family and friends. I never realized what a comfort that support could be to us during a time like this. it really does touch you and get you through.

Desmond is sleeping now, he played for a while when he got home but you can tell this day really wore him out. He is feeling much better as far as the stomach bug goes, he hasnt had symptoms of that since yesterday afternoon/evening. We will be watching him very closely from now on and cherishing our son even more. Today is a day we will  never forget, hopefully we will never experience anything like it again.

How precious is Your loving kindness, O God! Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of Your wings. Psalm 36:7